The Most F'd Up Pokemon Journey Eva!
by Joshua Chung
Summary: For some odd apparent reason, I'm sent to the Pokemon world... and from there on, it just gets WEIRD. Now with more shenannigans and bullshit than ever, join me and my pseudo-white afro on an epic journey to save the world- pffft yeah right. This world's totally F'cked.
1. Houston, I Think We Have a Problem

I don't own pokemon in any way possible. So don't sue me, cause if you do, I'll hire a lawyer and charge you for causing me irrational stress.

* * *

Sleep. A natural periodic state of rest for the mind and body, in which the eyes usually close and consciousness is completely or partially lost, so that there is a decrease in bodily movement, and responsiveness to external stimuli; in short, mans second, maybe first, best friend next to dogs. It was something euphoric and ritualistic; it was something magical and sacred. No other foreign entity could stop this natural force of good that helps the body to recover-

Thump

I groaned as I felt something land on my chest. It wasn't heavy, nothing like that at all; in fact...it felt like nothing. Though it did knock the wind out of me for a few milliseconds, but apart from that? I continued to sleep.

Boing. Boing. Boing

I groaned even louder as the thing on my chest began to jump up and down. Usually if it was someone else, I would have just ignored it, but the bouncing was becoming incessantly bothersome. It was like playing on a level of Prince of Persia, only the player doesn't know where to go, how to get to another area, and fail every time he tries to get there-

The bouncing finally made me twitch as I opened my eyes to see who it was to try to mess up with my beautiful ceremony of the human psychological nature-

I blinked, as an orange, oval-shaped eyes, stared at me.

I stared back.

It blinked.

I blinked back.

Now I may not have the best grades in my school, but I am pretty sure that this bastard isn't part of any animal species in my world. I'm not even sure if this guy is actually a "guy".

It stared at me as its orange eyes blink rapidly. What was on me, to simplify, was a cotton...a freaking cotton with eyes.

I was staring at a light orange, circular...thing. With a bit orange, puffy sections on the top of its head and its underside. To make things even more stranger orange furled, notched leaves were on the sides of its body.

I can't believe I'm saying this...

"Cottonee?"

...but I have a freaking Cottonee on top of me.

"...what the hell?"

* * *

_**JoshuaChung presents...?**_

_**A Godforsaken Pokemon Self Insert Stories featuring many OC's...**_

_**The Most F'd Up Pokemon Journey Eva!  
**_

* * *

_((Few hours ago))_

_"Hi. My name is Joshua Chung. Welcome to my life. I shall now bore you with excruciating detail about how nothing happens in my life. My life is so boring that you might develop narcolepsy from the sheer boredom- OW!" _

_I was walking to my friend's house while writing down what I was saying; because of that, I wasn't paying attention and tripped over a rock. _

_"Oh screw this!" I shouted as I got back up and tossed my papers out into the bushes. I went around to the back of the house to his tool shed. That's where he told me to go on the phone. He said we're gonna go catch some red thingy… I tried to open the door but it was locked from the inside._

_"Emanuel! It's me! Let me in!"_

_"Hold on! I'm working on something in here."_

_"I swear to God, if you're jacking off in there again I'm gonna-."_

_"I don't jack off! Just shut up and wait outside." I sighed and sat down on the ground. I could hear banging and the sound of saws from inside the shed._

_"Wow. It sounds like you jack off to saws and hammers now El…"_

_"I don't jack off! These saws and hammers are pivotal to the grand enterprise we shall soon be undertaking!" He said enthusiastically. _

_"Grand enterprise? We're not jacking off on T.V are we?" I guess I got on Emanuel's last nerve because he immediately stopped what he was doing and rammed the shed door open._

_"KNOCK IT OFF!" He screamed in my ear. I cringed and stood back up._

_"You're such a spaz El…" I said. His shout caused a ringing in my left ear so I could barely hear what I said. He pulled out two ten foot poles from the back of the shed. Emanuel seemed to have duck taped a chainsaw to the top end of each one. He handed one to me. I nearly fell backwards from the weight of the makeshift weapon._

_"What the hell is this thing for?" I said while trying to keep it from falling._

_"Weren't you paying attention when I called you? We're gonna catch the Giant Squid I saw on T.V."_

_"Giant Squid?" There were several things wrong with this plan._

_"Yeah, a giant ass squid. Let's go!" He turned to leave the suburbs but I caught him by his collar first._

_"El. This is stupid."_

_"Why?"_

_"Several reasons. One, Giant Squids are like three times bigger than us. Two, those giant squids are mean and nasty. Third, we don't have any guns to protect ourselves. Fourth, chainsaws on sticks won't do anything to a giant squid. Fifth, pardon my language but that thing will fucking kill us! And if you just taped these things together then what was the hammering for?"_

_"Not sure. And we are going to catch the Giant Squid. And I have one reason that overrides your five. Guess what is." Emanuel is a natural optimist and whenever I try to talk him out of something, he always ignores me._

_"What?"_

_"Chicken butt. Let's go!" Emanuel wheeled around me and dragged me, by the collar of my shirt, towards the suburb's exit._

_"Let me go! I don't want to go!" No matter how much I tried, I couldn't break away from his grasp. In a matter of minutes he dragged me all the way to the ocean. It wasn't because he's stronger than me; it was because...well I was just too lazy to do anything at the moment. By the time we got to the beach, I was suffocating. El finally noticed this and let go._

_"Sorry about that Josh- HEY! YOU GET YOUR BITCH ASSES OUT OF HERE!" An old man and a girl about me and El's age were already at the beach. They were looking pretty disappointed by something. The old man (who I'm gonna pointy mustache man for now) turned to face Emanuel and I._

_"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth young man?" Mustache man asked._

_"Huh? Of course I don't make out with my mother!"_

_"That's not what he meant El..." I said. The girl that was with mustache man kept staring at us. There was something in her eyes that told me she was afraid of me and El. Frankly, I would be too if a cursing maniac and his friend just barged in on you._

_"Get away from this beach you sick fetishist! The Giant Squid is mine, you fat twine ball of a butt pounding, weird mustache having, teenage girl raping, poorly dressed, ASS IN A HAT!" El ranted. I brushed past my Hispanic friend to talk with the old man without El screaming in my ear._

_"Um, sorry about El. He's a dumbass." I told him._

_"PENIS SUCKING VAGINA LICKER!" El ranted. He was still mad that these people got here before us._

_"Um, have you guys captured the Giant Squid yet?" I asked._

_"No, I'm afraid you boys are mistaken. The Giant Squid is in the Mediterranean Sea. We came here to find a species much rarer then the Giant Squid but it looks like we've been mistaken as well. But our other plan for this place shouldn't come back to haunt us… Come along Dawn." Mustache man and Dawn walked past El who was still ranting out curse words._

_"Episcopalian Jew faced turd!"_

_"EL FOR CHRIST SAKES! THEY LEFT!" Emanuel quieted down and finally realized he was doing something stupid. "Great job douche bag. We came here for no reason."_

_"Quit complaining. Hey, what's that?" He dropped his chainsaw on a stick to the ground and pointed to a patch of grass behind me. There was a small brown bag nestled among the weeds. El and I opened it to see what was inside..._

_"Gameboys?" _

_"Correction, Nintendo DS."  
_

_"These must be that guy's stuff," I said with a frown. Unlike most people, I rarely play with them._

_"Cool! Let's steal them!"_

_I looked at it before pressing the power button on..._

_**Loading...**_

_"What the hell is this piece of this!" El roared as he threw the damn thing into the ocean. I looked at it...before pocketing the small device into my pocket. "No idea...but I'm going home." _

_"What!" El demanded as his eyes twitched dangerously._

_"Look, the giant squid isn't going to be here. You heard the guy, it's over at the Mediterranean sea-" I stopped and blinked._

_"El...what the hell are you doing?"_

_"Stripping." Indeed, he only has his boxer on._

_"Um...why?"_

_"I'm going to the Mediterranean!" he roared as he dove right into the ocean. I watched as Emanuel tried to swim through the tides, but fail._

_"Right..."  
_

* * *

_"Hey Josh, I thought you were going to hang out with Emanuel today?"_

_"Change of plans." I explained to him as I handed him the DS. "I found this DS but it's not loading up, could you check out what's up with it?"_

_He looked at it before nodding his head. "I'll see what I can do for it," he said as he invited me in._

_The entrance yawned on a corridor whose floor was littering with papers and various objects, as though a bomb had hit the place and scattered everything everywhere- but Jorge didn't seem to be bothered by the mess._

_"You really need to clean this place up once in a while." I muttered as I accidentally kicked over some pile of papers to the side._

_"And you should seriously change to Geico to save 50% on your car insurance." It was just one freaking car crash!_

_"Screw you."_

_"Love you to." He said as he handed me back the DS. "Try it now."_

_I took the large gray DS before I placed my Pokemon White into the game cartage. Entering into the title screen I pressed start, when something different came out of the screen. Instead of the usual Nintendo screen, or the loading screen, a blue entered in my screen. "What the hell?"_

_**Preparation for the Alighieri Thesis.**_

_**Completion...91%...94%...**_

_"Hey Jorge!" I called out as I heard papers topple towards the ground. "W-What?" he asked as I walked over to him and showed him what was on the DS. He examined it before pressing a few buttons on his DS. He pressed the power button to turn it off..._

_"That's strange..." he murmured as he fondled with the game once more, before handing it back to me. "Gimme a second to look this up." I nodded my head before I noticed that whatever it was preparing for...it was done._

_**Preparation for the Alighieri Thesis...100%...**_

_**Would you like to activate it?**_

_**Yes/No**_

_Jorge chuckled dryly. "T-This is crazy..." I heard him mutter as I stared at the message for a while. Before I knew it, I was already taking out the stylus of the DS and pointing over towards the No button..._

_Suddenly, for some odd reason, I stopped. I stared at the second choice on the button..._

_"Apparently... the Alighieri Thesis is some sort of program..." he muttered, but I wasn't listening to him. In fact, my stylus moved from the no...to the yes._

_"Josh, whatever you do you can't press yes- WAIT!" I jumped, and stared in horror as the stylus touched the button on the right...and in a flash, my world began to distort._

_"**J**OSh**! Da**mN I**t! **NO!" Jorge's distorted voice echoed into my head as I felt the DS slipping from my grasp. I stumbled around, trying to regain my balance, but to no avail. I tripped and hurtled towards the wooden floor as Jorge's cries began to grow even more foreign. The world began to spin and spin as papers flew around like vultures circling around their preys._

_"F...Fuck..." I whispered before I finally went into the dark._

* * *

So that's it? I fell unconscious and I'm right now I'm in Wonderland? Only Wonderland is replaced with cute and cuddly Pokemons?

_..._What's even more strange is how well I'm actually taking this...

"Cottonee!" Oh right. Pokemon. On my chest...

What to do in this situation...

**Attack  
Defend  
Spell  
Run  
Item**

So many options...

"Cottonee?" I picked the little cotton off of my chest and stared at it for a second...before placing it onto the ground. "Since Cottonee is here...does this mean I'm in the Unova region?" I muttered before I felt a tug on my pants. Looking down I saw the small Cotton Puff Pokemon staring at me before, with incredible feats of agility, hopped onto my head.

"Cottonee!" It exclaimed with joy as my eyes twitched.

"You sonuva-"

The pokemon fell asleep.

"You lazy sonuva-" I took a deep breath and calmed myself. It's not going to help me much if I cursed my ass off of a sleeping Pokemon. I looked around and scratched my head, trying my best not to disturb the small Cotton Puff Pokemon.

"Your lucky that I have a soft spot for cute and cuddly things..." I muttered with a blush as I slowly looked around my surroundings... from the looks of things I'm guessing I'm in some kind...of meadow? From afar, I could see mountain ranges filled with trees and other greens that were almost as same as the greens that I was standing on top of. The clear blue sky illuminate clearly with the sun, that was partially covered with small clouds.

All in all...it was Mother Nature at her finest.

"Where the hell am I suppose to go?" I muttered as I started to go downhill.

* * *

I continued to walk on the grass as I looked around the world. It was beautiful, I wouldn't lie about that, but right now, I miss civilization...

...even though it's only been ten minutes.

"Cott...oneee..." At least one of us was having a nice time...

I groaned as I sat on top of one of the rocks and glanced up at the sky.

"I'm hungry, and not only that, but I really want to sleep..." I said with a weak yawn. If only I had a magical genie, I would have wished him to make me a nice, beautiful cottage up on that hill that I was on, with furniture and food...

Maybe if I have time I can go back and just check the place out...

...nah I'm way too lazy for that kind of crap.

I turned westward and strolled towards one of the different paths that were around here, and after a few minutes, I cam across something I'd wouldn't really expect...well not really since I said earlier that this was Mother Nature's finest.

There it was; a lake. One of the most clean and beautiful lakes I've seen for a damn while. Off in the distance – The middle of the lake, I was sure – Was a tiny island, with what looked like a cave of sorts atop it. I would have swam over there to check it out, but since I don't have anything to dry myself off or any extra clothes for all that matter, I won't even bother with it.

I gently took the small Pokemon off of my head and placed it on the ground before kneeling down.I retrieved a small stone from the lake side, and fired it out across the water's surface. One...Two...Three skips. I was defiantly not good at this. I picked up another and launched it out across the lake again. One...Two...Two skip this time around.

I was about to take another one and fire it...when something caught my eye. A light, a bright light on the side.

I looked at what it was...and blinked...

"One out of a fucking thousand..." I muttered, as I saw something unlikely happen right in front of my eyes. The Cottonee that I placed on the ground earlier? It freaking evolved. It didn't vanish, it didn't replace the Cottonee, but it freaking evolved into a small, dark colored, sheep-like Pokémon with a ridiculous white cotton-like substance covering its back, neck, and forehead. It has orange, oval-shaped eyes and blue, curled horns or ears.

The pokemon looked at me and blinked.

"Whim~sicott?" it sang as I blinked.

It blinked back.

I blinked back.

It hopped onto my head once more.

"You sonuva-"

It fell asleep.

"You lazy sonuva-"

I sighed as I felt the pokemon literally snore on my hair. I looked at the annoying bastard with a tired look on my face before I shrugged. "Whatever, it's not like I'm actually going to keep you anyways, so don't blame me if you get caught." I muttered as I picked up another rock and threw it across the water.

I was about to throw another rock when a noise startled me. Exploding out of the trees around the lake area came two flying Pokemon; Pidove, if I wasn't mistaken. But why had they… I glanced down, and uttered yet another curse.

"You've gotta be kidding me, out of all the things that the game had to be real in the real life, why the random encounter in the grass!"

In my haste to examine the recently evolved Whimsicott, I had absentmindedly strolled into the tall grass, and cause of that I probably pissed off the Pidoves.

What the heck were birds doing in the grass anyway? They had plenty of trees to choose from!

The twin Pidoves launched themselves towards me as I glanced at them...

...before kneeing one of them on the face, knocking one out efficiently. The other Pokemon faltered for a second which gave me the other opportunity to punch the small Pokemon away from me. Startled the small pokemon flew away before I fell onto the ground with a gasp.

"That...scared the crap...out of me..." I muttered with a gasp as the Windveiled Pokemon yawned and looked down at my face with a curious glance, "Whimsicott?"

"...and I'm extremely jealous of you. You don't get to do anything..."

"Whim!"

* * *

'How far did those stupid birds chase me anyway? I don't have a clue where I am!'

After throwing a few more rocks, I decided to get the hell out of here...only...the thing is, those little bastards that I beaten up earlier? They had friends...

So yeah, I ran my ass off getting away from those pigeons, or whatever the hell the race of those pokemon was. After a while, I finally lost them...but now I face another dilemma...

Panting and fatigued, I skidded to a stop, trying to get my bearings. I'd been running for nearly fifteen minutes, in the direction I THOUGHT was civilization. The little Whimsicott, that was still on my head, slept, and showed no signs of waking.

"Gotta think, gotta think, gotta think… Ah, I can't think with all this noise!" I cried, realizing only a moment later that the only one making noise was myself.

'I've got to calm down so I can think straight.' I told myself, in an effort to calm and let my brain do… Well, what some others did best, and what I was about average at myself; think. Still lost deep within the trees, I looked around every which way, in hopes of some familiar landmark, or anything that would lead me anywhere towards civilization. Sadly, nothing revealed itself, and I could feel my own frustration building and festering madly within my mind. Why the hell did this happen to me?

Damn it! I really wish someone just pop out of no where and tell me it's going to be alright...

"It's going to be alright!"

Blink.

Pause.

Blink.

What? I looked around...and blinked when I saw a wavy brunette, with a ponytail tied with a blue bow, pumping both her fist in the air. She's a bit tan, and a few inches shorter than me...somewhere around 5"7 or 5"6. From one glance I could tell she doesn't go out as much as other people do, why? Cause she's skinny as hell. Sure, I could tell, she's kinda curvy, but I can see from here she didn't go out that much. Also, she's not wearing the proper clothes to go out. Like the fact that she's wearing long sleeves, light blue shirt, that exposed her shoulders. Black shorts, and boots...

Well...I can't say the same, I mean I'm only wearing a dark v-neck shirt and jeans; the only thing that's helping me in this terrain is my white Nike running shoes.

Suddenly she stopped...and gasped. "Luka! Where are you!" I watched as she turned around and- Holy sh!t on a f*cking sandwhich... she's not "kinda" curvy...she **is** curvy. I mean damn, look at those melons! That light blue shirt is doing justice, hugging her breasts and hips at the right places. I mean if you were in my shoes, you'd be dropping the pants and start wacking.

Fortunately I have class, and I learned the proper way of avoiding embarrassing situations like this...

"Holy sh!t on a f*cking sandwich..."

Whisper how curvy the girl is...

Damn it, I can't finish my sentence cause of this damn puppy biting my leg, if only if this little piece of crap wasn't-

Wait...puppy?

I looked down to see a tan-colored, dog-like Pokémon. It has large eyes and a red nose, with its face covered by an abundance of cream fur. Its large ears have spiky lower extensions. Its fur puffs about above its paws, and its back has a spiky black stripe. Its tail is spiky and shaped similarly to the ears...

...my eyes twitched as it kept gnawing at my leg.

"Bastard! Get off of me!" I roared as I heard a gasp.

"Luka! No!" I heard the girl scream as she ran over towards me. She rummaged through her pockets and brought out a ball. Small, with colors of red and white on the respective top and bottom, and what I could only assume was a button on the front.

She pressed the button and it quickly enlarged to fit in her hand.

"Return!" She called as the small dog turned bright red. To my shock it dematerialized into a small red light and quickly went into the ball.

"What...the..." before I could finish what I wanted to say the girl got on her knees and bowed. "I profusely apologize for Luka, he just has a habit of biting strangers."

I stared at her... and back at the ball...before back at her, and noticed that she was kneeling on small pieces of stones...

"Um...it's cool, but aren't your knees hurting right now?" I asked as she blinked, "No...not really?"

I winced.

"Um...right. You know you can get up now?" She smiled as she slowly got off the ground. "So...who the hell are you?"

"I'm Taylor, Taylor Kellings."

"Joshua Chung." I introduced myself as she looked up at the Whimsicott...

"You know, you have a nice hair. I like it!" I blinked.

"I beg you pardon?"

"The white afro." She said as she points at the Whimsicott...

"Um...actually it's a pokemon." She blinked before she gasped. "You can grow pokemon instead of hair?" I facepalmed.

"No, this is a Pokemon that's just on my head." She blinked.

"Why do you-" I sighed as I picked the little bastard off of my head, much to the Pokemon's displeasure.

"Whimsicott!" it cried as Taylor looked at it...and stared.

"Isn't the color of it's ears suppose to be green?" She asked as I looked at the Pokemon that I was holding in my hand. "I dunno, is it suppose to be green?"

"Yes, it's suppose to be actually green instead of blue." I stared at it...before I broke out a full grin.

"Taylor...are you thinking what I'm thinking?" she stared at me, bamboozled. "What are you thinking, Mr. Chung?" She asked politely as my grin grew even wider. "I can sell this bastard for...five...billion dollars or something!"

She gaped, now usually normal people would try and stop something horrendous...but...

"Isn't that alot of money?"

"That's the whole point." I said with a nod, before I stopped...

"Say...what gender is this guy?" I pulled the blank looking Whimsicott up at my face...

...before flipping it upside down. The Pokemon was squirming and trying to cover the bottom part of it's body.

"Um...Mr. Chung, what are you doing?"

"I'm checking to see if this thing has a vagina or a dick. It's the fastest way to see if it's a boy or a girl." I said as I struggled to remove it's hands away from it's pelvis area, but to no avail. Every time I tried, it kept covering with it's over hand.

"Oh forget this!" I said as I threw it up in the air. Which in a few seconds slowly floated down back to my head.

"Oh my! You have white hair?"

I groaned.

* * *

It's not a good start but hey it's me.

So anyways I'm rewriting this whole damn story. Only without Amy.

T_T

However I'll do my best to try and please the audience!

Oh and for those who want to send in their OC please do the following.

1. send it by PM, I will immediately reject any OC send via review.  
2. follow the OC skeleton, if you guys don't. Rejected.

So here you go!

Name: (First and last; middle is optional)  
Age: (go Crazy. I need a lot of different ages)  
Gender: (Male/Female)  
Nationality: (If your going with the Alighieri Thesis)  
Birth Place: (Both Country and City)  
Birth Place (2): (If your born from the Pokemon World)  
Picture: (If one, just put a few spaces in there and I'll get the link) {This is Optional}  
Physical Description: (hair color, eye color, body shape, ect. Give me as long as a description as possible :3)  
Personality: (how does your character act/feel. Give me a long description for them)  
History: (What made your character they way they are today? How did they get into the world of Pokemon? Did they Get here by the Aligiheri Thesis? Long description please?)  
Theme song: (OPTIONAL)  
Pokemon Team: (1-6 please. And keep in mind that the younger kids won't have as many as the older people unless their parents gave them some or whatever. No legendaries, made up, or unusual pokemons {For example a Gallade that's a female}. Include name(if any), personality, gender and species as well as anything else.)

Legendary that Relates to them most: (Please someone put Groudon or Zekrom or something else besides Lugia. Also, this isn't your favorite, this is the one that is most like your character)

Alright let's make this work you guys!


	2. Honey, I Think I Did Something Stupid

Orange bands of sunlight streaked across my face from the sky above. I used to my hand to block the rays from my eyes. It was the early morning hours and I was lying on the ground with a strain on my back. I don't remember much of what happened after I met with Taylor and her incessant Lilipup.

I'm not sure but due to the white lumps on my head, I think the Whimsicott I brought back (whom I've named Little Dude for obvious reasons) finally made me tire me out. Hopefully Little Dude would have ran off into the forest and-.

"Whim~si~" I heard the Windveiled Pokemon sing as I felt the familiar weight on my head.

I groaned as I slowly got off the makeshift bed that I made with the many leaves and dry twigs. I looked at the Little Dude who was smiling back at me, before it frowned.

"Whim..." It muttered weakly as I blinked. Soon that blank look became worry as I wondered what was wrong with Little Dude. Sure I might want to get rid of it, but it doesn't mean I hate the little guy. Did it catch a cold or something?

*GROWL*

I sweat dropped as the Pokemon collapsed from my head and onto the bed. I laughed as I scratched my head. "Your hungry huh?" The small pokemon merely cried it's name weakly as I got off the ground. Looking around, I tried to get a bearing on where exactly I was. From a glance it looked like I was just sleeping in a ditch...however that was not the case, in fact when I glanced up I saw roots; I was underneath a giant ass tree with massive roots that were being used as shelter.

"Wonder where Taylor went..." I muttered as I slowly climbed out of the root-

"INCOMING!" I heard right before something heavy landed on top of me, I groaned in pain as the girl got off of my body.

"Oh no, Joshua! What happenend!" She asked I looked at the one that knocked me out of the with a glare...before I sighed and got off the ground with a tired expression on my face.

"Nothing..." I told her as I cracked my neck side to side. "Listen I'm going to go out and see what I can find to eat around here." I said as I jumped out of the roots, not waiting for Taylor to respond.

* * *

It's official, god really hates my ass. It's been more than a few minutes and I'm officially lost in this damn forest. Looking around the damn place, I sighed. "Well...might as well take a bit of a jog..." I said as I started to run.

It's not like it can get worse...right?

"Oh fuck me..." Murphy law took shape of a horde of sleeping Unfezants that was blocking my way...

"It's ok..." I whispered as I slowly tip toed away from the birds, "As long as I don't make any loud noise, I should be alright..." I muttered as I slowly walked away from the sleeping Pokemon. It was going well, until I felt Little Dude tapping on my shoulders.

"Little Dude, just be patient with me man ok?"

The tapping just kept on going.

"Look Little Dude, I get it, your hungry. I'll give you all the damn berries you want, just stop tapping me." But to no avail, as Little Dude kept on tapping and tapping.

"Damn it! The hell do you wa-" I stopped, realizing something very important that happened thirty minutes ago...

Little Dude was back at camp.

If that's the case, then who the hell-

I turned around, only to jump at the sight of a girl staring right at my eyes.

"HOLY FUCKING SWEET BUDDAH!" I immediately stopped myself, but it was too late. The damage has been done as the group of Proud Pokemon slowly woke from it's slumber, glaring daggers at the two of us...

"CHEESE IT!" I screamed as I grabbed the person by the arm and ran like hell, the birds screeched as they took flight. "Damn it! WHY THE HELL DOES THIS FREAKING HAPPEN TO ME!" We heard the Unfezant all cry out at once from behind. The whole flock was chasing after us at once.

"Gotta find a place to hide!" I screamed as I turned around and screamed even louder, the birds were right behind me.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK! FUUUUUCK!" I don't know if it was the string of "fucks" or the birds that were flying behind me. Maybe it was both, but for some odd reason I found myself running even faster than before-

"A CAVE! YESH!" I screamed as I dragged the girl to the cave.

"I wouldn't go in there if I were you," The girl with the dark hair mentioned as I completely ignored her, as I pushed her into the cave, and immediately followed in.

It wasn't long before the Unfezants flew past us, to my utter relief, they didn't notice that we were hiding in the cave. I slid onto the ground, my legs feeling ridiculously weak after that small episode. Freaking, oversized, pigeons; when I get back to my world, I am going to make it my vendetta to make those brainless bird's lives miserable...

"Why didn't you listen to my warning?" I looked over at the girl and blinked. Now that I took a better look at her... she isn't bad looking. She has straight black hair with straight bangs, and her hair is long enough to reach the center of her back. She's about my height, around 5'10 ish or so. Fortunately, thanks to Taylor, her curvaceousness didn't really affect me as much as it did with Taylor.

The only thing that threw off her image was that she was very pale, and has bags under her eyes, like she hasn't slept in months.

Another thing that really threw her image off was the color black...and apparently she loves to wear the color black. Her attire consists of a black dress that is slightly larger than she is. The sleeves tend to cover both arms entirely, and it seems to fit loosely, but comfortably.

One thing that seemed strange about her attire was the bandages around her wrists that stretch up the entire length of her arm.

If she got rid of the black and the bandages, get laid and have a nice tan, then maybe she might be my type-

"Hmm...if we stay here a bit longer we might die...hmm..."

Oh and she really needs to ditch the whole "dying" thing; deciding to humor her I answered back, "Hey, at least it won't be those bloody pigeons that are going to kill us."

"Nope, actually we'll die because of those Woobats that are going to infect us with rabies." I blinked, what? She points behind me, and with great reluctance I slowly turned around.

"WOOOOOOoooo~" A school of blue shaggy creature, with a piggish, large nose with a nostril in the shape of a heart, squinty eyes, swarmed the place as I screamed in bloody terror.

"WHAT THE FUDGE!" I roared as I picked the girl up again and ran out of the cave, unfortunately my scream alerted the god damn pigeons as they squawked loudly. I cursed as both birds and bats began to hunt our asses down.

Suddenly I felt a tug as I tumbled onto the ground, looking at the girl I screamed at her, "What are you doing?"

She hushed me as she covered my mouth. I tried to get her small pale hands off of my mouth, and was about to even bite her when I saw the flock of flying Pokemon fly past us. We watched as some of them tried to search us out, but to no avail.

Soon the flock flew away as she slowly released her hold over me. "See," She began as I glared at her, "I told you that we were going to die if we went into that cave."

"Hey-"

"My name is Violet."

"I don't give a damn," I told her as I got off the ground, "Do me a favor and just shut the fu-" I stopped as Violet points behind me.

"...There's a big ass Pokemon behind me isn't there?" she nodded her head as I slowly turned around.

"Holy cra-." I shouted, luckily the girl put her hand over my mouth to shut me up. She had the same mind set as me, she didn't want me to wake up the sleeping Braviaries that blocked our way.

"Look," She said in her creepy monotonous voice, "I may love to scare people, but I don't like the idea of dying early in my adolescence life." I nodded my head as we were just about to tiptoe past them but to my horror, a Pokemon was released itself from Violet's ball. Even worse, it landed right next to the biggest Braviary in the group.

I watched in terror as the Litwick stared at it's trainer. She looked at me before turning back to the Litwick.

"Do whatever you want." My eyes widened considerably.

"No! Bad ghost candle! BAD!" I hissed barely above a whisper. It smiled at me and shook its head "yes" as it made a small fireball in it's stubby little hands.

I shook my head.

It nodded it's head.

It went back and forth like that about six more times.

"Please! If you have any love or respect for me or your trainer's life at all you'll put down your hand and come with us and most importantly, _not light a fire at the Braviary!_" I pleaded with it.

The candle like Pokemon looked back at it's trainer, who sighed and nodded her head. It put down its hands and smiled at me. I looked at the trainer and smiled, "Aww… you really do love me-"

I stopped when I saw Violet smile at me sadistically, my mouth dropped when the candle Pokemon conjuring a bigger fireball and blasting it onto the beak of the Braviary. "I HATE YOU BOTH, YOU LITTLE BASTARDS!"

The Braviary woke up one by one. It didn't take a freaking genius to know that these birds are freaking pissed.

"SKEEDADLE!" I screamed as Violet returned her Litwick back into her Pokeball. Picking her up in a bridal carry, I sprinted the hell out of there. I screamed as the Valiant Pokemon began to screech, as it's brethren began to take flight into the air.

"HOLY FU-"

* * *

(INTERMISSION)

Due to the author's laziness and the intense graphic violence in this scene, the author feels that it's best to have an intermission to skip this part of the story.

So go to youtube and play the Intermission song.

I really don't care how long you want the damn song.

All I know is that we have an intermission and that's it.

He'll probably do this in the later chapters but I'm not really sure when...

...

...

I think it's ok to come back to the story now.

* * *

"OH GOD MY COCCYX!"

* * *

(INTERMISSION)

Whoops...nevermind.

Let's wait a tad bit more...

By the way, the author needs to know if the OC wants to try for the Championship for any of the regions, why? Just because.

Also he wants to know if any of your OC wants to be paired up with someone, it can be from cannon and non-cannon, just because he's going to try and give everyone fan service in this story.

Now he won't promise if he can get to the paring or not, but he'll try and attempt to do so. He doesn't know if he'll even finish this story, but he'll attempt it.

...he's serious about this...

...yeah, he's serious, wow that's a first right?

Oh and for all the people that sent the author OC, he forgot to write this in his OC form, for you Pokemon moveset, send at maximum of ten moves.

...so yeah, that's pretty much it...

...I won't lie, this music is pretty damn catchy...

...

...

...

Ok let's go back to the story.

* * *

"Hi Josh!" Taylor greeted me, completely ignoring the fact that my whole body is bleeding badly, "Don't worry, I fed you Whimsicott while you were gone!"

Sonuva-

"Whimsicot!"

Boing Boing.

I sighed as I felt the familiar weight of Little Dude on my head as it snuggled in my permed hair. "Hey there, how are you doing?" I asked while patting the guy with my bloodied hands.

"Oh my! You brought a guest!" I stared at Taylor with slight disbelief, here I am bleeding to death and all she says is that I brought a guest? I feel loved you guys...

And yes, I'm being sarcastic here.

"I did warn you-"

"Violet shut up." I snapped at her as she looked at me and back at the busty, and ditsy, trainer. "My name is Violet."

"Yeah, she already know." Taylor blinked.

"I do?"

"I did tell Violet to shut up. I'm assuming you know her name by now because I said her name out loud."

"Is that so?" She asked dreamily, "Well isn't that nice."

Nice my ass...

"So what kind of Pokemon do you use?" Taylor asked to which Violet smiled somewhat darkly. Instead of answering her answer, the ghost like trainer took out a Pokeball and pressed the button on the center.

"Come." She said as the ball popped open, revealing the small Litwick that made my life a living hell in a matter of seconds. I was about to grab it and strangle it, when someone beat me to it.

"OH MY GAUSH! IT'S SO CUTE!"

I blinked.

Violet blinked.

The Litwick tried to burn the Whimsicott.

Whimsicott screeched.

I threw Little Dude onto the ground.

It hopped back onto my head.

"Y-You think it's cute?" Violet asked as I tilted my head to the side...now that she mentioned it, it does look slightly adorable...

...if only it stopped trying to light my little arse.

"Yeah!" The ever enigmatic trainer responded as she hugged the little guy tighter, "I mean look at him! He's just a doll with his bright yellow eyes and stubby hands. He's always smiling and he wobbles funny! It's almost like a little pervert is walking by!"

I...what?

"How do you even know it's a boy?" I asked as she stared at me with shock.

"What do you mean! Can't you tell that this cutie is a boy?"

I...don't think I'll ever understand Taylor at all...even if she's freaking hot.

"You...think Vergil is cute?" I looked at Violet with disbelief.

"Vergil? You name your Pokemon?" The two girls, plus the Whimsicott, looked at me flabberghast.

"You don't name your Pokemon?" Taylor asked as I scratched my head, "Not really, no." I replied honestly as Violet shook her head. "Shame, I thought better of you."

The hell?

"WHIM!" Little Dude smacked the top of my skull with anger.

"What the hell are you getting mad for? Your not even my Pokemon." It gasped as it fell off of my head.

"He's not your Pokemon?" Violet asked as I shook my head. "I found Little Guy on me when I was sleeping, he just stayed on my head as if it was its bed. I didn't really mind letting it stay up there, but after it evolved it's just been being a nuisance to me."

"Whim..." It wept at the corner, while growing mushrooms near the tree.

"Aw, you made him cry!" Taylor gushed as she ran over and hugged Little Guy into her breasts...the lucky bastard.

"Why did you make him cry?" Violet demanded quietly and somewhat chillingly, as the temperature grew a tad bit colder than before.

"You meanie!"

"Inhuman bastard."

Oh no! I am not going to be the antagonist of my own story!

"Hey!" I growled as they stared at me, "Get your little ass back on my head, Little Dude." The two girls were taken back with my sudden nickname for the Pokemon, but the little Pokemon merely cried out it's name, cutely might I add, as it hopped out of Taylor's bussom and back onto my head.

"Little Dude?" Violet repeated as I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, Little Dude." I said as Taylor smiled.

"Isn't that nice! You finally named your Pokemon."

"Like I said earlier, not my Pokemon." I told Taylor as I turned to Violet, "Hey you know where the hell we are, cause right now I really want to go and sell Little Dude if I can." I asked her as Violet chuckled coldly.

"Your in the northern part of Pinwheel Forest," she began as she hummed again...which added into her creepiness.

"I guess the only place to really drop off a Pokemon is at the Daycare center," Humming again...

"Which is east from here." She finished as I shivered.

I have two hot chicks, one's an idiot and the other is a creepy scary bitch.

"Well, I dunno about you two, but I'm gonna go and drop off Little Dude and get on my merry way." I told them as I hopped out of the hole underneath the root and began my little journey to the east...

* * *

It took me a long two hour run, but I finally made it out of the damn forest and to what appears to be a small preschool like building. I watched as children were in line to get on a slide, other kids were playing in the sand box and others were just playing with their Pokemons.

I hopped over the fence and looked around, it looked relatively peaceful and nice around here.

Perfect place to find someone and sell Little Dude without being caught by the damn popo.

"HEY LOOK!" I instantly jumped as I heard a little girl, no older than five, in a small blue uniform, point towards the left. "It's Mr. Evans!"

I watched with utter shock and awe. Like the Pied Piper, the children suddenly emerged from the building and the playground as they quickly ran towards where the girl was pointing at.

"MR. EVANS!" I heard them yell, soon I heard someone yelp.

"H-Hey there guys, your making an old man here feel overwhelmed!" I heard a man said in a deep voice as I walked over, with Little Dude still sleeping on my head, the little bastard.

Glancing over towards the source, I blinked. This is the guy that these kids were so damn excited about?

Salt and pepper colored hair representing how much this guy has aged, his appearance was even more strange with one of his eyebrows being black and another being white. Black stubble beard along his jaw, which for some odd reason matched with his blue colored eyes. Although he has a bit of a stomach sticking out, there is no doubt about it, this guy is pretty muscular. Why is that? From the broad shoulders and chest, with those massive muscles on his arms? I'd think he would be a former football guy, a linemen on the NFL.

What really set me off was the multiple of scars on his forearm and hands that were exposed while he was petting the kids head gently. Just what the hell did this guy do to get all of those?

...and why the hell is Elton John's Saturday Night Alright for Fighting playing in the background?

"How are all you lass and chaps doing today?" He asked with a British accent as the kids, which made me blink. I didn't know that the Pokemon World has Britain on it's map...

"We're doing good today Mr. Evans!" The kids greeted him joyfully.

"Well alright then!" The man said with a grin as he sat down. "Well then, whose ready for story time?" The children cheered as they all huddled around the big guy...which is pretty damn shocking for me.

Hey, I worked at a daycare center once, and none of the kids back there were freaking excited for story time. They played their little DS games and X-Box...yes people, our daycare center has X-Box...360.

"Have you blokes heard of...the Terror of Shumai?"

"Terror of Shu-mai?"

"First day for sum' of you blokes," he began, pulling out a flashlight. "thought I'd tell you lad and lass a story. A scary one... and it's true."

Some of the kids began to shiver in fright, I decided to hang around in the back, curious about the damn story.

"There were rumors of a place that sold Shu-mai, a type of dumpling, made out of human flesh. One guy thought the rumors were a bunch of crap and he wanted to prove it. So one night he went and bought himself a box of Shu-mai." the older man said as he turned on the flashlight and shined it on his face.

"On the way home, he got a strange feeling like someone was rubbing an ice cub up and down his spine. But he was alone; just him and the box. He opens the box sees that one is missing. But he doesn't think anything about this he just says to himself, 'hey, what am I worried about, maybe they just forgot to put one in, that's all.' And he continues to walk home. Again, he gets the same creepy feeling. He opens the box again. And two more are missing!"

The children's gasped and some clamped their hands around their mouth. What cute little bastards. Everyone leaned forward, waiting for the British Mario to continue.

"He starts to get scared now. He closes the box and waits a minute. What if the rumors are true? But he can't help but get the feeling to open the box. He opens it and two more Shu-mai are gone!"

The students gasped. Some tightened their fingers around their shirts, or pants.

"He closes the box again," the man whispered creepily, "What if there was a demon that likes to eat human flesh and it has been eating the Shu-mai and it was going to eat him too? He decides to open the box one last time."

Mario reject paused for a moment. I almost laughed as I saw the kids sitting their, their face were pale, as if their hearts were in their throats, choking them.

"The whole box is completely empty!" he shouted. "Frightened he screams like a banshee! AAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHH!"

Some of the kids screamed and fell onto the ground with their backs.

"Then—what—happened, Mr. Evans?" one of them demanded urgently.

"What happened?" Mr. Evans echoed, his voice went from scary to a more toned down, humorous voice and he turned off the flash light, "well, he looks down and sees that they weren't really gone—but they were stuck on the inside of the lid the whole time."

I stared for a minute or two, trying to figure out the punch line...

"...eh...what?"

Then a few of the students started laughing.

"Human Shu-mai?"

...

...

...

I snapped my fingers, "Oh, now I get it!"

The children erupted with laughter and Mr. Evans got off the ground. "Now there's a moral to this story guys, you can never judge a book by its cover but boxes are a whole different kettle of fish." He said as the bell rung. "Well that's all folks," The kids groaned, "Now, now, I'm staying here for a while so don't you kids worry, I'll be here tomorrow!" Some of them cheered while others began to leave.

The man continued to talk until a woman came out of one of the buildings with a smile. "Alright kids, it's time for you to go home!" the little snots screamed with joy, which made me and the Mario cringe, damn they can scream.

The brats soon left the premise leaving only me and the other two adults.

"Well, now that's out of the way," The man had said as he groaned, "I need a drink, you still have that bottle that I left behind earlier?" The man asked as I blinked. Woah, that's a sudden change of character.

"Yes, it's in the back cabinet." The man rushed off into the building, as the woman turned to me with a smile. Her grin widen when she saw little dude...or at least the white part of it.

"Oh my, what an unusual hair style!" I groaned.

"No ma'am, it's my Pokemon." It was her turn to blink as Little dude lifted his body off of my hair. She gasped, before giggling hysterically. "T-That's so adorable!"

"Yeah, but it's putting a massive strain on my neck right now, and I really want him to get off of me." she took a breath before looking at me, "Alright then," the woman said as she led me towards the building. "Sorry about that earlier, but it was a first time to see a Pokemon so fond of a trainer..."

"Yeah, it's a bit too attached to me if you get my drift." I said as Little Dude hugged my head even tighter.

"You know, for a Whimsicott, it has an unusual coloring." She comments as I shrugged my shoulders. "Blame God for giving him a color defect." I said as she laughed.

"So what brings your all the way here?" I scratched my head, which was technically Whimsicott's ass.

"Actually I was going to leave Little Dude here." She blinked, "Why?"

"Why what?" I asked as she looked at me with disbelief. "Your leaving an extremely rare Pokemon here, especially if it's in a different coloration."

"Yeah, but the thing is that I don't have money and-"

"I see," she said with a sigh, "You can't support him is that it?"

"Um...well-"

"It's a shame!" She cried as she opened the door, the man was holding a bottle of scotch. The woman immediately took it from his hand and began to chug it down.

"Woah..." the man muttered in shock as she slammed the near empty bottle onto the table. "I-It's a damn shame. S-See, t-there are s-so many trainer that leave th-their Pokemon behind..." She sniffed. "All because t-they can't a-afford food and lodging for t-their Pokemon..."

She began to bawl as the man looked at me, I stared back helplessly. Walking over to the daycare woman I gently rubbed her back. Great, now I feel bad for trying to sell Little Dude away...

Damn overly hysterical women and their overly hysterical emotions.

"W-We'll leave you alone." The man said as the woman continues to cry. Once we left the daycare center I turned to him as we both chuckled. "Ok seriously...what the fuck?"

"Yeah...I know." He sheepishly responded.

A pause...

"Simon. Simon Evans."

"Joshua Chung." I responded back.

"Whim. Whimsicott." What the fuck?

We both look up at my head, Whimsicott was apparently sitting cross legged on top of my head, trying to look very sagacious. "That's...an interesting Pokemon." Simon awkwardly told me as I sighed.

"Yeah, and that's why I'm trying to get rid of him." He snapped his fingers.

"That's probably why she was crying." I rolled my eyes.

"Women, I'll never understand them." I muttered as he barked out a laughter. "Trust me, it'll get worse when you marry one."

"Your warning has been heeded." From there, we began to discuss about...well life. He asked me if I was going to any colleges, and I responded that I just turned in my UC and CAL apps. From jobs to women, and from women to music. From music to food. Finally, food to...

"...and like I said, there's nothing wrong with liking the Muppets." I told him earnestly as he sighed. "Yeah...but it's a-"

"Look, the Muppets were an adulterated show for the whole freaking time now, those kids who are watching it don't understand half of the crap that they're saying so it's perfectly natural for someone to like the Muppets, hell I like the Muppets." We both looked at each other, before we both groaned.

"Arf."

"Arf."

"Whim." we all barked as we downed another shot of tequila that we bought back at a store that was about two miles away from here. The Whimsicott wobbled on it's feet.

"You weak sauce!" I told Whimsicott as it finally collapsed onto the ground. Simon was laughing as he took another shot of tequila. "Well, Pokemon aren't suppose to drink anyways."

"If Little Dude is going to be in my team, then he better start learning how to." Simon stared at the drunken Pokemon before asking me a very important question...a question that might get me arrested.

"How do you know it's a boy."

The infamous question of if I'm abusing my Pokmeon-

Oh wait, it's not that question? My bad...

"I don't know..." I said as I lifted up Little Dude. "How do you check if it's a boy or a girl?" I asked him as he scratched his head.

"Beats me..." I turned Little Dude upside down, much to his disappointment. "Alright time to see if you have a pussy or a dick." I said as I began to open up his leg-

"AH!" I immediately dropped Little Dude as Simon and me wildly searched for the source of the scream.

"Ok, I'm not too drunk to ask if I was the only one that heard that right?" I asked him as he nodded his head...

"HELP!" There it was again.

"Let's go!" I said...

...before I fell onto the ground face first.

"F-Fuck..." I muttered as I felt a heavier weight slam on top of my back. "DOUBLE FUCK!" I screamed as Simon muttered an apology.

"Jesus old man, drop forty pounds or something..." I muttered as I staggered up on my feet.

"AH!" I tried to walk straight, but after three bottles of tequila, it's not going to happen any time soon.

"Damn it, there's only one this to go at a time like this!" Simon said as I looked up at him...

* * *

SZZZZZZZZZZZZ

We both sighed in relief as the beautiful yellow rainbow flowed out of our body. Whimsicott was also sighing in relief as his bodily fluid began to flow out of him, thankfully not on my head.

"AH!" we stopped and leaned back just to hear the scream stop...

"That was weird." Simon said as we returned back to our piss.

SZZZZZ

"AH!" We stopped and leaned back again only to hear the screaming stop.

"...I wonder..." I muttered as we once more returned to our piss.

SZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzz

"AH!"

Stop.

Lean back.

Screaming stops.

Return to piss.

"AH!"

"Oh for fuck sakes!" I muttered as all three of us finished our nice urination. Already feeling sober I zipped up my pants before walking out of the meadow.

"Alright whose the whore that's screaming like a bitch?" I cursed as Simon followed right behind, Little Dude getting on top of my head...

"You better have finished your piss back there, or else I'll personally beat the crap out of you." I told Little Dude as we sprinted over towards the scream.

* * *

(UNKNOWN POV)

I really don't know how I got into this mess, I was just walking with my friends when these guys jumped in front of us and bullied us. I tried to reason with them, but they only hurt my friends in the process. I don't know why they want to hurt us.

Can't they understand me? Nanny said to try and talk with them if they try to hurt you, but it's not working!

He's getting closer and closer...

"HELP!" I screamed as he roared-

"KERMIT! USE BUBBLEBEAM!" My eyes widened when a rain of bubbles showered on top of the mean bully. I looked up to see my savior, a old man, I flinched when he looked at the Pokemon like how _he_ does whenever the servants do something stupid.

"Dude, you named your Pokemon Kermit?" I heard another person ask as a younger man walked up to him with a surprised look on his face.

"My respect for you had just gone up by-"

"Save it for later kid, we need to get that one pony away from him." I looked over, looks like his friends ran away...

"Hey!" I heard the other guy yell as my eyes widened with horror, a Pokeball. "I still have the ball that I stole from Taylor earlier."

"You steal stuff?"

"It's not stealing if the big titty girl has a whole freaking load of them in her bag." He paused... "Actually, I wonder if her boobs are filled with Pokeball..."

"So what are you going to do with that ball?" He asked as the younger man laughed. "I had this theory...a theory that if you throw a pokeball harder the better chances that you have catching it." With that I watched as he threw- no..._slugged_ the Pokeball towards the Pokemon. I winced as it smashed the Pokemon right on the skull, making it fall down. It vanished in a red light as it wobbled in the Pokeball.

I wanted to just go over there and free him from the prison. Sure he was bullying me, but no one deserved to be trapped in there-

PING.

My heart froze in shock.

"YESH!" The man cried as he jumped over me and picked up the ball. "My theory works!"

"Oh quiet you." The older one said as his Pokemon hopped next to me. I took a closer look at him. A Poliwhirl! Those are rare in the Unova region!

"You alright there kid?" I looked at him before looking over towards the other one that was dancing around with a Pokeball in his hand. At least the older man was much more wiser than that one.

"Y-Yes sir." He nodded his head.

"Mind telling me your name?" He asked as I looked up at him, the other one stopped dancing as he turned to me with a curious look on his face. I gulped before I nodded my head, as my friends slowly came out behind me.

"M-My name is N."


	3. If I Can't Dance, Then Leave Me Out

Good god, I'm on a freaking role here guys! I can't stop writing! Maybe it's because it's almost Christmas and I want to write something cool for Christmas, I dunno...

Anywhom I don't need anymore OC, so yeah...sucks right?

Oh and for all of you guys wondering why N is a kid...wait for a few more chapters everything will make sense then.

Alright you all know the drill! So let's go!

* * *

"M-My name is N." I blinked as I stared at the boy that referred to himself with one of the alphabets. "Ok...that's a cute nickname boy, now what the hell is your real name?" I asked before getting smacked in the back of the head by Simon.

"The hell!" This time I got smacked on the face.

"Josh, he's only seven-"

"Actually, I-I'm ten sir." He said as Simon simply smacked me even harder.

"I DIDN'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING AT THAT TIME!"

Smack.

"That's for yelling at your elder."

"Bull-" he rose his hand high in the air.

"Shutting up now-"

SMACK!

"SERIOUSLY!"

"That's considered a profanity." I rolled my eyes as I rubbed the back of my skull.

"So is your name is really 'N'?" Simon asked the boy to which he nodded his head.

I looked at kid, before asking a very rude, yet sensible question.

"What kind of scotch did your parents drink to name you 'N'?" I asked, before being plummeted onto the ground, thanks to Simon slamming his massively large fist on top of my skull. What pissed me off was that Little Dude jumped off before I got hit by the freaking Mario character.

Little dude slowly falls on top of my bruise before smacking it.

"Whim! Whim!" I groaned. The little bastard was just asking for it to be buried.

The kid, named N, gasped as he looked at Little Dude. "Y-Your Pokemon is different!" he said which made me twitch. I slowly got off of the ground as Little Dude hopped on top of N's head. To which the little boy blinked as he looked up. He tried to reach up and pet it, only for Little Dude to hop off and jump back on my head.

"O-Ow..." I muttered, as Little Dude sat right on top of my bruise, the Pokemon giggling in delight. "B-Bastard, you really like torturing me don't you?"

"Whim! Whim...Whim!" The boy blinked.

"What the hell are you staring at?" I snapped as he jumped a bit.

"W-Well...she said that she doesn't mean any harm, but your head is very comfortable for many reasons that I can't explain."

I blinked.

Simon blinked.

N blinked.

Little Dude fell asleep.

Lazy sonuva-

"You can understand him?" Simon asked with disbelief as N nodded his head jovially.

"Yeah! Oh and it's a girl, not a boy." that made me reel in shock.

So...Little Dude is actually...Little Dudette?

"Wait a freaking minute!" I roared as I looked up at Little Dude. "If your a chick, then why the hell was your piss coming out like a dudes?"

...

...

...

"Whim?" I looked over towards N.

"Um..." he turned over towards Simon. "What does Plot Device mean?"

"In any case," Simon began as he rubbed his head, tired from this whole ordeal, "we're going to go back to the daycare center." he picked up the boy and placed him on top of his shoulders. "And your coming along."

"H-Huh?" The boy cried, clearly surprised with his decision. "I don't know what kind of scotch your parent's drank for them to think that it's safe for you to run around in the wild without any Pokemons..."

"A-Actually I do have a P-Pokemon with me." N told us as he points at the Pokemon on the ground. I looked over and blinked, that's a pokemon? It looks like a small kit...only black and red...wait is that a mascara?

A mascara wearing black fox?

...I think I need to get me one of those...

...for profit!

"Zo..." the Pokemon murmured as it trotted over towards Simon's leg, looking up at him before it nodded it's head, as if it approves him carrying N on his shoulder.

"Nevertheless." Simon said as he began to move. "I can't believe that your here alone, and not supervised..."

"Jeez, from the way your talking, it almost sounds like your a dad or something." I commented offhandedly, the man simply glanced over his empty shoulder and smirked.

"I am."

That made me trip.

"Seriously?" I asked as he fished out a photo from his pocket. "Take a good look."

I took the photo from his large hand and quickly looked at it...

...wait lemme rephrase that, I slowly looked at it before I looked back at Simon. Then back at the picture...then back at the man said to be the father of this...family.

"Dude what kind of package are you carrying down there? I mean damn look at your kids-"

SMACK.

* * *

"YOUR BACK!" the woman stopped before looking at us...

"Why is there a boy on Simon's shoulder..." before looking over towards me. "And how come you have all those bruises on your head young man!"

"Long story, short?" I spat out blood from my mouth. "I need to learn to not say any bad words around kids, dam-"

SMACK.

"QUIT SMACKING ME!"

SMACK.

"What did I say about yelling at your elders?"

"BUT THE KID IS FREAKING ASLEEP!"

SMACK.

"..."

"Much better." Simon commented as he walked over towards the daycare lady. "Would you mind telling me where I can let him sleep?" She looked up at Simon with a blank stare before sighing. "We have extra bedroom upstairs, you can let him sleep there." With a curtly nod he slowly left the room.

"As for you." The woman said looking over towards me. "We need to clean up those wounds."

I sat down on one of the empty seats as the woman quickly rushed over to one of the shelved and getting out a first aid box. She came back only to pause and stare at...oh right.

"Little dude, I need you to get off of my head for a few minutes." I felt Little Dude tug on my hair only harder when I told him my request.

"Listen, this is my head, either you pay rent or get the hell out."

"Whim!" It shot a seed at my hand.

"I only accept money as payment." I said.

Little Dude blinked.

I blinked.

The lady blinked.

It shot another seed at my hand.

"Listen-"

"I-It's fine." She said, trying hard not to laugh at my expense. I sighed as the woman began to wet the cotton with alcohol...a little too much alcohol.

"W-Wait, you don't have to treat me...I-I mean, I could g-go to a hospital or s-something."

"Nonsense! You have to get this treated otherwise you can get those infected!" She admonished as I gulped, the alcohol slowly lowering towards my face.

"Mommy."

* * *

"Huh..." Violet blinked as Taylor looked back at her.

"What's wrong?"

"I heard a scream." Taylor blinked before closing her eyes and trying to hear the source of the scream.

"Your right, it does sound like someone is screaming in pain." She looked worried, "Should we go and help?"

"No," The busty girl blinked-

Oh wait, both of them are busty...um... the not scary busty girl blinked as she looked at her scary counterpart, "You see..." she hummed a bit, slightly lowering the already cold temperature. "...I can sense things..." she slowly began as her eerie voice echoed in the empty building. "Especially death..."

Normally girls, and probably most of the guys, would be scared to death...

"Woah...that's so cool!" but this is Taylor. She's not a normal girl.

"Yes," Violet agreed with her, "it is indeed, _cool~_" she giggled, but it was no ordinary giggle. Nay, it was a giggle that send chills to the people that listen to the giggle. It brings grown men on their knees, quivering in fright. It's a laughter that no man would want to hear. That small little giggle warns people that something bad and ominous would happen. Once someone heard it, they are sure doomed to die-

"Oh look! A Litwick!"

...but for some odd reason, Taylor is pretty much immune to all that...

* * *

"Oh quit crying it wasn't all that bad." Simon commented as I wiped away my manly tears. "You try and put a shit load of alcohol on your bloody ass face and see how that feels, you damn tea drinking ass-wipe." He looked at me and sighed.

"Pansy." he muttered as I twitched.

"Your such a god damn pansy, you can't even take a little antibiotic on your little bitty wound."

"Shut up." I muttered with a blush as he barked out a laugh.

"Well...what are you going to do now?" he asked as I looked at him with a blink. "I'm...sorry?"

"You have a pony with you, have you decided what your going to do with the pony?" I scratched my head and sighed. "I never even had a Pokemon, an actual Pokemon, in my whole life, all this time it was just make believe and shit...but..."

"You never would have thought to actually try it out?" He finished.

"Well yeah, all this time I've been playing games and games of Pokemon, I wouldn't have thought that they were actually real."

"Games?" he questioned.

"I-It's nothing..." What the hell was I suppose to say? I came here via DS? Yeah, be smart and keep that info to yourself. Don't even tell it to a doctor, cause he'll probably label you as mentally crazy and send you to a mental ward or something.

"So...never thought that Pokemon would be real huh?" he said as I nodded my head. "Yeah, seems kind of crazy actually. To see real Pokemon come right at you."

"I think I know where your coming from." Simon told me as he looked out at the evening sun from the window. "I thought I would never see myself taking care of these little fellas, but-"

"Arf." he blinked as I handed him a shot of tequila.

"Arf." he barked along as we clink our glasses together, before downing the shot.

"You still haven't answered my question yet..." I sighed as I looked at the Pokeball that's holding the small zebra like Pokemon...

"Say..." he looked at me as I turned to him, holding the Pokeball in my hand. "Where is the nearest Pokemon Center?"

* * *

Early morning, I set off to Pokemon Center at Striaton City, luckily for me it was about a mile away, meaning not only do I get a payday but I get my morning jog.

The daycare lady handed me some money for breakfast. She didn't have to give me money, but if I didn't take the damn money she'd be crying hysterically about guys that are trying to live on their own.

Crazy hysterical women and their frantic personality. I'll never understand them...

"Alright! Everyone seems to be here!" I heard a teacher exclaimed as I walked into the Pokemon Center, right behind a group of students that were listening to the teacher. "Now then. By now, you all know of the basics uses of the Pokémon Center. Now you're going to learn about the more social aspect: the Global Link!"

"Global Link…?" The students repeated all together, confused at what it was. Unfortunately for them, the teacher was going on and on about the damn thing, making things even more complicated. Fortunately for all of you I'm here to clarify things for all of ya'll.

Trainers all over the world can be connected through the Global Link system. Think of it like an Internet forum. People can put up topics about different things, post pictures, keep in touch with other trainers and all that nice stuff. The only difference is that through the Global Link, people can also trade Pokémon with people anywhere there is a Global Terminal. So a person with a Gen V game in the US could trade with someone from someone with a Gen V Pokémon somewhere different in the world.

...ok nevermind, I think I just confused myself just trying to explain this.

"Welcome to the Global Link, blah blah blah..." I skimmed through the tutorial of how to use the damn thing before I came across what I was looking for.

I placed the Pokeball into the transporter and watched as the Pokeball instantly vanished. Typing the necessary info of the Pokemon I logged off and went downstairs.

"Might as well get something to eat while I wait for what offers I get from the GL." I said as Little Dude yawned in my hair.

"You up yet?" I asked as the Pokemon nods it's little head.

"Well I'm going to get something to eat, you down?" The little Windveiled Pokemon immediately leaped with wake as I mentioned something about eating.

"Alright then, let's see what's there to eat."

* * *

We were settled at a table inside a small yet homely restaurant. Little Dude was standing on the table, looking down at a menu in concentration.

"You decided yet?" I asked him as Little Dude shook its little head. "Well aright then, take your time alright?" it nodded it's head as I looked at the menu. Hm...I could get the veggie omelet...

"Um sir...?" I looked up to see a pretty looking waitress looking a bit uncomfortable as she stared at my Pokemon with worry, "You realize that Pokemon don't know how to read, right?" She questioned as I sighed. "Yeah, but I just let her, cause it'll at least keep her calm and not annoying for the next five minutes."

She stopped before she looked back at Little Dude. "Your Whimsicott has a very unusual coloring."

"Does coloring have any effect on it's personality?" I asked her as she stared at me for a brief second before shaking her head. "Not really..."

"Damn."

"Whim!" Little Dude hushed me and the waitress, holding up a finger. She then bent over and began to trace her finger under the names and descriptions of the meals. I rolled my eyes while the waitress tried her best to hold her laughter to herself. "Well, what would _you_ like to eat? We have our weekly special, Straiton's famous skillet breakfast potatoes with blue berry pancakes."

"Hm...sounds good, but I'm more of an omelet person."

"Our triple C Omelet Special is also available." I shrugged and handed her my menu, "I'll have that and one black coffee." She nodded her head and looked over towards Little Dude.

"Did you decide yet?" I asked him as she shook her head.

"She'll have the Very Berry Special with one glass of Moo Moo milk please." I told her as she smiled.

"Excellent choice." Little dude whined, not pleased that I had to choose her food, but seriously I'm tired of waiting and I really want to shove something in my mouth.

Minutes later, we were all enjoying our respective meals. The Little Dude was devouring the Oran Berry cake while I watched on, chewing slowly on my omelet.

"Slow down there Little Dude, your gonna..." She started to turn blue.

"...choke." but it was seconds too late, one stubborn piece of food got stuck in Little Dude's throat. She started coughing, trying to get that piece of food out of her throat. I sighed as I helpfully held out the glass of Moo Moo Milk that I ordered earlier. Little dude immediately took it in his stubby hands, and started to chugging down half of it to clear her throat.

"It's cause you eat too damn fast." I told her as she belched out with a smile.

"Nice." I muttered as I drank my dark coffee. The waitress returned as she looked at my near empty dish and Little Dude's content face.

"So how was your meal?" She asked as I grinned. "It was great." that wasn't all a lie, if it wasn't for Little Dude eating her food like a dog then I would have enjoyed my breakfast.

"Is there anything else you'd like to have?" I was going to say no, but I remembered yesterday with the kid...

"Actually, can I order one more thing to go please?" she blinked before nodding her head. "Ok I'd like to have the Blue Berry Pancake as well as the Very Berry special with orange juice to go please." She nodded her head before leaving the table.

"Whim?" I picked up the clean napkin and began to clean Little Dude's food covered face.

"Yeah, it's for N. Still think he has a f'cked up name, but at least he and his Pokemon should have something nice to eat."

Hey, just because I sound and look like a douchebag doesn't mean I'm actually am one...

...ok maybe that's just stretching things, but still.

* * *

My eyes twitched uncontrollably, "Your kidding me, I thought this world is built around Pokemon..."

If that's the case then how come I'm not getting any cash damn it! I offered the freaking Blitzle, and I get no price whatsoever...well that's what I get for trying to trade it in the Global Link...

I looked at the ID of the person that's offering me a trade...

"Meh, it's not like I care about the damn thing anyways. In the end it won't feel like I'm getting ripped off." I muttered as I pressed the accept button. In a second another Pokeball materialized on the transporter, Little Dude picked up the Pokeball and hopped back onto my head.

Dropping the ball onto my hand I pocketed it and sighed.

"So much for getting free cash, looks like I might actually have to go to school here to get a job..."

And I really don't want to go through high school again...

* * *

"I'm back!"

Simon and the lady looked up from their newspaper as I walked into the building. "We already ate breakfast-"

"It's for that N kid." I said as he blinked, not really believing that I would get something for...well anyone, unless I actually get something in return. "What's the occasion for?"

"What? You can't believe that I wouldn't get something for N just for the hell of it?"

"Not really no." Bastard.

"Well, N just woke up," The lady told me as she points at the stairs. "He's upstairs playing with his Zorua," So both of them are up, good. Little Dude hopped off of my head, to my surprise, as she quickly hopped up the stairs. "Right then..."

I followed Little Dude, as I saw multiple of doors closed. Fortunately, Little Dude was at one of them, and was hopping like someone had just sprayed acid on it's ass. Opening the door, I saw N building something with the spare building blocks. "Hey how are you doing?" N looked up from his blocks as I jiggled the food in front of him.

"I got you breakfast." Just like that, I got him. His stomach growled as I laughed. "Alright let's get you a table to eat your breakfast."

I really don't know why I'm breaking out of character. All I just know is that I feel more light than yesterday, and watching the brat and his Pokemon eating their breakfast just made me feel...at ease.

"So...you can talk with Pokemon?" I asked as he nodded his head. "How long?" I asked him as he stopped chewing.

"Um...I..."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." It's dirty to do this trick, but it sure as hell works. If you want to know something then you do this trick, if they look uncomfortable of telling you anything you tell them that it's ok not to say anything if they don't. If you do that, then they'll tell you something. Reverse Psychology, it works.

"N-No, it's not that it's just um..." See it works.

"...W-well...I started to hear voices after m-mom died."

Oh fuck, good job Josh, you just made a kid traumatized again by making him say that his mom died.

"...Sorry."

"She was...killed...by humans when she tried to save a pokemon from being abused."

Well...shit there are fucked up people here in the world...

"Um...sorry to hear that man..." I said as the boy began to tremble. Oh cra-

"Wah!" He cried as he hugged me. I felt my shirt getting damp, but...damn I would be bawling if I was ten and I had to tell someone that my mom was killed.

"M-Mommy didn't do anything, w-why did m-mom have t-to go..."

Hell I know kid...

"Josh?" I looked up to see Simon and sighed. "N, eat your breakfast, I need to talk with big mac for a bit." the boy was reluctant to release his hold, but in the end the Zorua came and whispered something to his ear. The boy got off of me as he went back to his seat.

I walked out of the room and sighed.

"So...mind telling me what went wrong?" He asked as I looked at him and back at the room, that was closed for the time being.

"His mom was murdered by punks who were poke-abusing Pokemon." He blinked...before whistling. "Damn."

"I need a drink."

"You and I both."

* * *

"So he only has a dad." Simon surmised as I sip the cool beer into my mouth. "Wonder why he's not around?"

"Maybe he ditched him?" The Brit looked at me with disbelief as I rolled my eyes. "It's not uncommon, I mean I'm in AP Psychology and if something traumatizing happened to a kid and the father isn't good at responding to the situation then the kid might do something drastic. Drastic to the point where the father might abandon the kid or the kid leaving the home."

"I...never really thought of it like that."

"Well, you didn't take Psychology." I stated the fact as I took another gulp of the beer.

"Well...what now?" he asked as I finished the beer.

"What do you mean?"

"Well we can't leave him here..."

"Why the hell not?" I asked as I point at the place. "It has everything here, toys, food, shelter, comfort, love."

"Yes, but it's a daycare center, not a foster center." I shrugged. "Same damn thing."

"Daycare center only shelter Pokemon."

"The kid speaks Pokemon. People leave their Pokemon here, let him stay here and the Pokemon will be happy, a symbiotic relationship!" I countered as we both looked at each other...

"Arf."

"Arf."

'Whim!" We chugged down our...well I dunno how many beers we actually drank but it's a whole lot. Anyways we chugged down our remnant beer before we heard someone coming downstairs. We both looked up and saw N walking down.

"U-Um...thank you...for the breakfast..." N murmured weakly as we stared at him...

"N..." Simon waved him over. "Come over here and have a seat." the boy looked suspicious at us, but nevertheless walked over and sat down.

"Now...this may sound a bit personal, but...do you want to talk about your...late mother?" Simon worded his words carefully, not wanting for the boy to cry again. Luckily the boy didn't as he slowly nodded his head.

"A-After m-mommy died, I started to hear voices. Pokemon voices, I heard them t-talking to me..." he stared at us with a strong look on his face. "I-I want to help them, I-I want to protect them f-from mean people..." He hugged his legs.

"B-But it's really l-lonely without m-mommy..." Oh crap, he's going to cry again. Simon looked at me as I stared at the kid. I looked at the situation and popped another beer from the plastic rings... I looked at it, before I sighed.

"Your heartbroken kid," I handed him the cool beer. "Have a beer." Simon facefaulted.

"U-Um...d-daddy, Anthea and C-Concordia t-told me to never drink anything f-from c-commoners."

"Well they're not here now are they?" I countered as he looked hesitant.

"B-But the knaves a-at home s-said that-"

"Like I said, they're not here."

"B-But my m-mom said-"

"Just shut up and take it would you?" He looked hesitant, but nevertheless took the drink in his small hands. "Listen kid, when someone offers you a beer, you better damn well take it. Being a straight-edge is cool, but your itty bitty heart is broken so drink up and just let loose."

Yes people, I offered a ten year old alcohol. Whatever you do, do not bring your kids to me, I have therapeutic methods that aren't really smiled upon by people from all around.

"W-Well..." I rummaged through my pocket and wiped out my Iphone. "Alright, at times like these, we need to let loose and have fun. N give me a number, any number." He looked up with his large innocent eyes before responding. "U-Um...thirteen?" I went through the list and blinked.

"Gloria Gaynor..." I read...

"Ok pick another number from 1 through 10." he paused.

"F-Five." I scrolled down...

"I Will Survive..." I muttered, before I sighed.

"Yup I'm going to need a beer too." Simon looked at the kid, before he rolled his eyes, "Hand me another one mate." I tossed him a beer can as he cracked open his and N's beer open. N took a sip before reeling back, disgusted. "I-It tastes bad."

"First time it'll taste like that, you'll get use to it." I told him as he slowly sipped the alcohol.

"Man...at times like this, I wish my wife was here." Simon said as I pressed play on the Iphone. "She'd know what to do with N, hell she'd probably yell at us for giving beer to a minor."

"Who gives a crap anyways." I muttered as the piano began to play, Gloria Gaynor's lovely voice began to echo in the room.

_First I was afraid_  
_I was petrified_  
_Kept thinking I could never live,_  
_Without you by my side_

_But I spent so many nights_  
_Thinking how you did me wrong_  
_I grew strong,_  
_I learned how to carry on_

I blinked, as well as everyone else in the damn room as I found myself singing to the music. I shrugged as I chugged the remaining beer in the can before throwing the empty can over my shoulder. Picking up a microphone, from god knows where, I continued the song.

_And so you're back_  
_From outer space_  
_I just walked in to find you here_  
_With that sad look upon your face,_

_I should have changed my stupid lock_  
_I should have made you leave your key_  
_If I had known for just one second_  
_You'd be back to bother me_

Suddenly Simon took the mic from my hand, "Move it brat, let me show you how you really sing Gloria Gaynor."

_Go on now go,  
__Walk out the door!  
__Just turn around now  
__'Cause you're not welcome anymore!_

_Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye  
__You think I'd crumble  
__You think I'd lay down and die_

"CHORUS!" We both yelled as N and Little Dude hopped into the music and sang along with us and Gloria.

_WHIM WHIM WHIM! (Oh no, not I)_  
_WHIM WHIIIM WHIM! (I will survive,)_  
_WHIM SCOTT SCOTT WHIM WHIM WHIMSCOTT! (As long as I know how to love)_  
_WHIMSCOTT WHIM WHIMSCOTT! (I know I will stay alive)_

_I've got all my life to live_  
_I've got all my love to give_  
_and I'll survive_  
_I will survive_

"Hey! Hey!" Suddenly the lights went out before a single light flashed onto us. Our clothes replaced with shiny...disco clothes. Yeah, with radiator sunglasses and high top shoes. Never have I seen Little Dude look so damn fly...I mean, it was crazy I mean N knew the damn song. I don't know how or why but damn it, feels good to sing Gloria Gaynor!

"Lemme take care of this boys!" Simon said as he stepped onto the limelight.

_It took all the strength I had,_  
_Not to fall apart!_  
_Kept trying hard to mend,_  
_The pieces of my broken heart_

He twirled away as I took the stage once more.

_And I spent oh so many nights,_  
_Just feeling sorry for myself,_  
_I used to cry..._  
_Now I hold my head up high!_

"Take it away N, Little Dude!" The boy and Pokemon hopped onto the stage as he took the mic from my hand.

_WHIM WHIM HIM!(And you see me!)_  
_HIM WHIM HIM! (Somebody new!)_  
_SCOTT HIM WHIM WHIM SCOTT SCOTT!(I'm not that chained up little person!)_  
_WHIMSICOTT COTT COT WHIMSICOTT!(Still listenin' to you!)_

_And so you felt like dropping in,_  
_And just expect me to be free,_  
_Now I'm saving all my life,_  
_For someone who will trust in me!_

It was...different, but it still made some damn sense.

We all hopped in as we point at our invisible crowd and sang,

_Go on now go, (Whim! Wim!)  
__Walk out the door! (Whim! Whim!)  
__Just turn around now (Whim! Whim!)  
__'Cause you're not welcome anymore! (HImsicoot!)_

_Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye  
__You think I'd crumble (WHIMSICOT!)  
__You think I'd lay down and die? (WHIM HIM!)_

"CHORUS!" All three of us screamed as we sang the chorus once more, while discoing around the room.

_Oh no (Whim whim), not I_  
_I will (Scott) survive,_  
_As long as (Whimsicott whimsi) I know how to love_  
_I know I will stay alive_

_I've got all my life (Whim whim) to live_  
_I've got all my love (Whimsicott) to give_  
_and I'll (whiim) survive_  
_I will survive (whiiimm!)_

"Oh..." we turned around and basked in the ending...

...not.

_Go on now go!  
_  
We turned around and started to thrust our pelvis in the empty air.

_Walk out the door! (Whim! Whim!)  
__Just turn around now (Whim! Whim!)  
__'Cause you're not welcome anymore! (HImsicoot!)_

_Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye  
__You think I'd crumble (WHIMSICOT!)  
__You think I'd lay down and die? (WHIM HIM!)_

"CHORUS!" All three of us and Little Dude screamed as we sang the chorus once more, while discoing around the room.

_Oh no (Whim whim), not I_  
_I will (Scott) survive,_  
_As long as (Whimsicott whimsi) I know how to love_  
_I know I will stay alive_

_I've got all my life (Whim whim) to live_  
_I've got all my love (Whimsicott) to give_  
_and I'll (whiim) survive_  
_I will survive (whiiimm!)_

* * *

From outside our shadow of thrusting the pelvis in the building was the only evidence that showed us how hammered we were.

* * *

"HOLY CHRIST!" The daycare lady cried as she saw the many empty beer can on the floor with the three of us sprawled on the ground, tired from last night's party...

* * *

"Seriously did she really have to kick us out? I mean come on..." All of us were walking...well technically it was Simon and me. Little Dude was on my head while N and his Zorua were on Simon's large shoulders. "I mean, at least she would give us the decency to let us shower there for a while..."

"Well technically it is our fault for ruining the place."

"Whiiiim..." Little Dude cried, holding his head.

"I'm not feeling so good either..." N said holding his head.

"Yeah...that's called a hangover, you get that when you party too hard..." We looked at each other, and all of us, including the Zorua sighed. "Look," Simon pointed out as he walked ahead of us, "Another mile here should be a creek, we could rest up there and try to pass the hangover before we continue on."

"True that..." I said as all of us hurried to the river.

* * *

I sighed in relief as I drank the cool water with a smile. It's been an half an hour since we got here and all of us were now just chilling in the shade. Simon suggested that N should hang around Pokemon that'll keep him company while we do our own things. So for right now his Zorua, Kermit the Poliwhirl, and Little Dude were just playing with N. Simon was just sleeping underneath one of the bigger trees.

As for me? I wanted to get sober fast. So here I am, shirtless, washing out my hair and face to help me wake up.

"Who would have thought that this is a good way to wake up from being drunk?" I muttered to myself as I pulled back my wet hair. I was about to go back, but something caught my eye as well as something faint was echoing in my ear.

Now normally I wouldn't bother...but I'm a damn curious man who really wants to know everything, so here I am walking towards the source of the noise.

Finally I reached to my destination-

"Holy shit..." I blanked out. There in front of me was something that'll forever bare in my mind, and no it's not a legendary Pokemon.

In front of me was a majestic looking waterfall. But it wasn't the waterfall that made me so speechless, but who was underneath the waterfall. A bare naked girl was showering in the waterfall. Her back was to me showing me her perky rear. Short red ginger hair, stopping at mid-length of her neck, flowing with the waterfall. Her hair was contrasting her skin tone, which was a bit white, not a white as Violet but still.

She was dancing underneath the waterfall, singing a random tune, snapping her fingers from left to right while swaying her hips. I was hypnotized, my eyes focused on her hips. Now normally I wouldn't act like this, but damn it. It's been like four months since I got laid, and my libido is really being a bitch to me-

One. Two. Thee. Four.

I sighed in relief as it went down.

I shouldn't be here. I am not a pervert!

I slowly walked away from the scene, but paused when something blocked my way.

That something took shape of an otter.

An otter that looked really pissed at me.

"Um..." I looked at it and back at the girl, who still didn't pay any attention to her surroundings.

I stared at the Pokemon.

It stared- no, it _glared _back.

"...hi?"

His version of hi was firing a really large water gun. Sending me flying.

"SONUVABIT-" My curse stopped midway as I slammed hard onto the rocky wall. I heard a scream as I slowly slid down to the ground.

"Ah!" The girl gasped. If I to describe it with a word, he would have gone with "shock", "surprised" and... "excited?"

The "pichi, pachi" sounds of feet splashing water reached my ears an instant before nude girl appeared in front of me. Now that I took a good look at her, she wasn't all that white at all. There was a bit tan on her skin. Thank god she's not a ginger. Her bright green eyes shined through, showing extreme worry and distress. Her breasts were a tad bit small, but perky...but I guess that counts in her cute factor.

...damn it came back.

Last thing I said before blacking out?

"Least I'm going out with a raging boner..."


	4. Does God Hate Me or Does Satan Love Me?

Man, does it suck to wake up with a major ass headache. I mean, when a person wakes up they sure as hell don't expect that ridiculous pain that feels like someone is drilling into your head with a drill or something.

I mean, damn, what the hell?

When a person wakes up, the very first thing that they want to hear is the birds chirping with joy and jubilance (And by birds, I mean a very sexy girl next to you. And by chirping I mean snoozing away like you were doing.)

What they want to smell when they wake up is a nice smell of coffee or toast. What a healthy man or woman would want to see the very first thing is their girl or boy in the kitchen in a naked apron ready to be dominated in every single way (Oh come on ladies, who wouldn't want to jump on a hot piece of ass?).

When a person wakes up, they sure as hell don't want a freaking migraine that'll ripple through their brain for the next hour or so.

So when I woke up, there were no sexy girl next to me, no breakfast or coffee, and one massive headache that I just wished I never would get later in life-

"Oh your awake!"

…ladies and gentleman, I scratch off the first out of the three things that I was suffering from my wake.

Slowly turning my head to the source of the voice, I tried to identify the source of the voice; however, to my horror and anger, the sun was blazing right at my eye. I tiredly covered it, only for the sun to suddenly to be covered by a petite looking girl.

Bright green eyes were locked into my dark brown colored eyes as I stared at my apparent 'savior'. The girl that was showering earlier. I looked down…

…damn it, she's wearing clothes.

"Why the hell couldn't you be nude for the rest of the day?" I muttered as she blinked, "What?"

"What?"

"Ya said something?" I wearily look at her and rolled my eyes. "Did I really? I'm sorry, I'm just saying things without thinking them."

"Why?"

"Oh I don't know, maybe it's the fact that I have a freaking headache throbbing in my head!" I instantly regretted shouting my answer to her as the throbbing in my brain began to throb even harder than before. I groaned as I slowly took in a few breaths to calm down the massive headache that was being a major bitch to me. The girl looked on as I shook off the pain.

…I'm an idiot. By shaking my head, I'm forcefully moving my brain to hit one side of my head to another side, which irritated my neuralgia to a whole new level. HA! I used a medical term, praise me as your lord byatch-

…are you kidding me, even shouting inside my head is giving me a migraine!

"Daaaaamn." I moaned as the red-head stared at me with worry. "You need anything? Some tucker? Water?"

"Do you have Advil?" She shook her head, "Then there's really nothing to do, I mean, if you have someone to magically get rid of this nuisance of a migraine, then there's really nothing that you can do." I told her honestly as she hummed…before she snapped her fingers.

"Damn it! Not so loud!"

Great going Josh, you just made your migraine even worse.

"Sorry, but I actually know someone that can do that!"

…really?

She grinned before going through her pockets, a minute later she took out a Poke' Ball. With a press of a button, it enlarged in her hand and popped open. Light show, and a outline of the Pokemon. The said Pokemon slowly gain coloring as the lights slowly burst away from the Pokemon. When the luminescence of the Pokemon finally dissipated from the Pokemon, I finally got to see who was going to be my Pokemon doctor.

A bipedal, blue-eyed, pink-and-cream-colored Pokémon. The upper section of its face is pink, as are its floppy ears, exempting the tips and curled lower extensions which are cream-colored. The sides of this Pokemon's chest and arms are also pink, somewhat resembling a jacket, although the tips of its forelimbs are cream. Its small tail is lumpy and white, similar to soft serve ice cream and rabbits.

It took a second to register what the Pokemon was, an Audino.

The Hearing Pokemon.

The Chansey Reject.

"Auuuud?"

"Really?" I was skeptical at the sight of the Pokemon, especially since it's the Chansey reject that was in front of me.

"Paige, use Heal Pulse please?"

...she even named her Pokemon.

How cute.

I watched, painstakingly, as the Audino puts its hands in front of its body and a light pink ball of energy appeared in between them. The Hearing Pokemon then opens its arms and the orb breaks apart into multiple light pink sparkles, releasing waves of light pink energy with light pink sparkles in it that expand outward.

Right when that light hit me, I immediately decided that this Pokemon was the god of all Pokemon.

Not Mew.

Not fucking Arceus.

But this Chansey Reject.

"Oh my god..."

Have you ever had a headache that's just a pain in the ass? If so, then all I got to say is this: Get yourself a fucking Audino. They fucking help.

"Feelin' better?"

"Much," I immediately responded, not feeling the heavy burden that was pushing on my skull earlier. I shook my head a bit, trying to clear the thoughts in my head, as I turned to my savior who was already returning her Pokemon back into her Pokeball.

Now that I got a good look at her...she's not all that bad looking. Sure her breasts are small, I mean they're not like melons like Taylor or that one creepy bitch, but apart from that, she's...kinda cute. Especially the way she's dressed. It's a nice look from the unsual dress and gothic style clothes. Her grey jacket is unzipped, showing her white shirt that matched her training shoes, which were laced with grey laces.

The one thing I hated about her style was those god awful red skinny jeans. Whoever the hell invented those, Imma find you and pop a cap in yo ass...

...speaking of ass...those jeans are doing a lot of justice for her ass.

I take back what I said, Imma give my respect for the guy to think about the asses before popping a cap in his ass for thinking about red skinny jeans.

...damn I really need to get laid again.

"Um...why are you starin' at me like that?"

"Your English?"

She blinked.

"Um...yeah, how did you know?"

"Your accent and dialect. Judging from the cockney dialect, your from London?"

She beamed, "Yes sir! Straight from the motherland and the capitol, herself!"

I nodded, "Right."

"You sure you don't need anything else?"

"Can you strip your clothes off and ravish me?"

"What?"

"Nothing." I dusted the grime off of my clothes while getting off the ground.

"So, you have any idea where we are..."

Oh crap, I realize I don't even know her name!

Not to worry though, the English chick saw my dilemma and grinned. "M'names Winfried King, but you can call me Winnie for short."

Winnie...like Winnie the Pooh? Luckily that didn't came out of my mouth-

"And yeah, like Winnie the Pooh."

...what?

"Wait, did I happen to say that out loud?" I asked her as the red-head shook her head, "Nah. I just get that a lot so I assumed that you were thinking about it as well."

That...would make sense.

"And to answer your last question, not really. I just stopped here and showered before going on my way again." She explained with a sheepish grin on her face. I looked at the poke ball that was resting in her pocket and sighed. "Look, I'm not the type of guy to stay in debt-"

"But you didn't borrow any money from me-"

"Shut up." She immediately stopped as I glared at the English girl. Her bright naivety immediately withered as I continued on.

"As I was saying, I'm not the type of guy to stay in debt from someone who helped me out here. So here's the deal. I came here with a bunch of friends, and we're all going to the next city for a decent sleep and a nice dinner later." Winnie blinked, "I guess what I'm trying to say is...wanna come along?"

"K, sure."

I blinked.

"K? That's it? Just K?"

"Well," Winnie scratched her cheeks, "It tends to get boring and lonely when your traveling by yourself. I mean, sure you got your Pokemon, but they can't speak a lick of English. So...yeah."

"You sure you don't have to think through about this? I mean your going to be the only girl in our group-"

"You guys got any snacks?" She asked as I looked at her with disbelief, "I just told you that your going to be the only girl in our group, and all your worrying about is snacks?"

"Yeah?" Winnie looked confused. "I mean, if you guys don't have snacks that's cool with me, guess it just means that you guys are going to be boring."

"...I think we still got some berry bagels." The look on Winnie's face was just priceless, as her expression immediately brightened with joy.

"Awesome! Now this is a gatherin'!"

I...really didn't know how to respond to that, "Your an optimistic one aren't you?"

"Mummy always said that I should always be happy, because no one could be upset when your happy!"

"...I'm definitively not going to like you anytime soon."

* * *

"WHIM!"

For once in my life, I'm actually glad that Little Dude was on top of my head.

"What happened?" Simon asked, concern was written all over his face as I scratched Little Dude on the head. "I just wanted to walk around, when some otter ambushed me and knocked me out cold."

"...yeah we'll just leave it like that." The older man agreed as I saw N and the dark colored fox peek behind his leg. Following their gaze, I groaned. Forgot to introduce our latest member of the Mötley Crüe.

"Guys, this is Winifred King-"

"But you can call me Winnie!"

"Like Winnie the Pooh?" Simon asked as she nodded her head.

"W-What's Winnie the Pooh?" We turned to our youngest companion, where Winnie gasped. "You don't know Winnie the Pooh!" The British girl exclaimed with shock. "How could you not know Pooh Bear? Oh lord, please tell me you at least know the song?"

Wait...there's a song?

"I'm surprised that your parents didn't show you something kid-friendly like Winnie the Pooh." The older man agreed as N blinked. "There's a song?"

Winnie looked as if someone had just killed a puppy. She walked over to N and pulled him into her 'bosom'. I'm putting air quotes around bosom because she really doesn't have much to look at, if anything it's her arse that should be getting all the attention.

"You poor thing! How could you have not been raised with Winnie the Pooh in you life!" She demanded as Simon looked a bit in disbelief at the fact that there was someone that hasn't watched Winnie the Pooh. Little Dude slowly raised her head as she looked at the scene below, on top of my head.

"Whim?"

"I don't even know what the big deal is, seriously, it's not big deal that someone doesn't know Winnie the Pooh."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL!" Both English citizen exclaimed as I fell on my ass due to the sheer volume of the two. "Jesus, take a chill pill."

"Winnie the Pooh is a classic!"

"It's a story and a show that I'd recommend parents to let their kids watch." Simon agreed.

"Not only that, the characters are adorable!"

"Doesn't get any more G rated than Pooh Bear."

"Ok! So Winnie the Pooh is a kids friendly thing, I get it! Then again, what the hell do you men that Winnie the Pooh is G rated. There are some innuendoes in there that make that show a very teenage demographic story." that made them look at me as if I grew another head. "How do you get that?"

"Think about it! Winnie the Pooh is a drug addict bear, you cannot deny that. The entire time he's like..." I clenched my face together as I placed my voice on a higher octave, trying to imitate Pooh Bear's voice. "I just need some honey, just a taste of that honey, Rabbit please gimme your honey, I need some more honey..."

"That's no true-"

"Rabbit is an OCD perfectionist, Owl is the textbook definition of an intellectual douche bag, Tigger is clearly an ADHD gay, Piglet is nothing but an unconfident loser, Kanga & Roo represents teenage pregnancy, and finally Eeyore is your neighborhood emo-kid."

The two British looked at me with shock after I finished my explanation...

"Your an asshole Josh." Simon concluded.

"Sorry for growing up watching The Amazing Spiderman, the X-Mens, G.I. Joe, and the old Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." I shrugged as the two British born citizen shook their head while muttering "Bloody Americans".

Maybe that's why I grew up to be such a dick...

Maybe...

"WHIM!"

"What! What the hell do you want now?" I demanded, wanting to know what the hell is pissing her off so damn much.

She spat out a seed.

"That's nice, but that still doesn't explain why the hell your so freaking pissed off."

Little Dude blinked.

I blinked back.

N tilted his head to the side.

The foxy with the mascara yelped.

Simon scratched his dimples.

Winnie sang-

"Deep in the hundred acre wood,  
Where Christopher Robin's play-"

"With his dick." That got me another smack on the head from Simon as Little dude quickly leaped off of my head before the corporal punishment. N looked at Winnie with a blink as he tugged on her shirt. "What are you singing?"

"It's the song for Winnie the Pooh!"

"The drug addict bear-"

Smack.

"I'll stop now."

"Can you finish it?" He asked, his big eyes staring into her blues as he pleaded her to sing, to which the English girl sighed. "Ok, but your going to have to sing along afterwards-"

"While we walk." I interrupted. "No offense, but I really don't want to stand around here as much as you guys want to sing about some kid and his messed up friends." I seriously held my urges to say "fucked up" but the thought of Simon hitting my head really didn't suit me-

"WHIM!"

Also I have to deal with _that_ every five minutes. So yeah, I'm being extra careful with what I'm saying around people now...

...kinda missing it already.

* * *

"Winnie the Pooh,  
Winnie the Pooh,  
Tubby little cubby all,  
Stuffed with fluff

He's Winnie the Pooh,  
Winnie the Pooh  
Willy Nilly,  
Silly old bear~"

I looked behind with an exasperated groan. Winnie was singing the Winnie the Pooh with N, who learned the song after hearing it the first time. Whats worse is that Little Dude was 'Whimming' the damn song.

Oh great, now Simon is humming the song!

Well...at least they got to the end.

"One more time!"

Oh for the love of god-

"Deep in the hundred acre wood,  
Where Christopher Robin plays~  
You'll find the enchanted neighborhood,  
Of Christopher's childhood days~"

Oh lord all mighty, send me a scapegoat to beat up, mutilate, and possibly butt-rape so I can relieve this anger and pent-up exasperation that I call sexual-frustration.

"HEY!" Lord, although this is the only time I'm ever going to say this, thank you for your generosity for bringing a dumbass to my presence. Winnie, N, the foxy with the mascara, and Little Dude all stopped their little jam and curiously looked over to what the problem was about.

Biker Gangs. That's all I need to say. Bald heads and the stereotypical mohawk hairstyle that are presented on those biker gangs. It's that bad. I thought that this world would have some class for something like that, but I guess not.

"Wat're you doin' here on our turf?"

Did I ever thank god for bringing me these dumbasses?

"Do this world a favor, and get lost- AH!"

You all read that AH! part right? That 'AH!' part was me pulling the guy's nose ring down towards me, where his eyes met my ferocious glare.

"I really wouldn't flare that kind of attitude towards anyone. You can find yourself biting more than what you can chew." I tugged a little harder as blood began to seep out of his nose.

"Lemme tell you what kind of person I am you sunovabitch. I'm an easy-going guy, who really, and I do mean _really_ love to smoke and drink when I can. But do you see me with something to smoke? No. Do you see me with a bottle of Budlight? I don't think so, and look at me when I'm talking to you or else "m going to rip off this ring. Good, now where was I? Oh yeah, the reason why I have a major dildo up my ass. You see, I don't have two things that makes me a swell guy, so right now I'm not a swell guy. So what do I do when I don't get those two things? I go and find a girl, flirt and get her number, try to get to know her for a while, and then have sex with her. Sounds solid right? Well, where the fuck are we? We're in a middle of god knows where with no chick in five-hundred yard- don't look at Winnie cause you really don't want this ring to pop off you do? So now we have a dilemma, I don't got a girl to put my dick in, so what's next? Well I curse, but here's the thing. See that big ol' sweetheart behind me, his name's Simon and he has kids. Kids that he rose with discipline. Discipline of not using profanities. I get smacked around just for using 'shut up' so that's four damn things out of the park. I'm mad, I'm very Very VERY MAD! AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S WORSE! I'VE BEEN LISTENING TO A CHILDREN'S NURSERY FOR THE PAST THIRTY MINUTES! YOU SEE THIS WHITE AFRO ON MY HEAD? IT'S A POKEMON, AND IT'S BEEN SINGING ALONG WTH THEM! SO HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I FEEL HUH! YOU DON'T THINK I WOULD PULL THIS RING OFF OF YOUR GOD DAMN NOSE? HUH!"

I finished my pissed off rant when all of the sudden I noticed two things.

1. My hand was covered with blood.

2. The guy was bawling his eyes out, calling out mommy. I wouldn't blame him, after some random guy started to scream at his face while pulling on his nose ring.

"P-Please man, w-we're just tryin' to get to Castelia City."

Oh? Now we're getting somewhere.

"That's funny...that's where we're trying to go."

"We are?"

"Shut up Winnie."

* * *

I won't lie, getting to a city on a motorcycle is a hell of a lot easier then trying to get there on foot...or even by using a car! I wasn't going to lie, I was a Broke Back Korean when I got on that bike for five minutes, and no I didn't rape the dude if that's what your wondering about.

So we made it to Castelia City and...dayum.

It's freaking New York City. Only this time, the waters are actually kinda clean- Oh wait, there's grime over there!

"W-well...this is it sirs and ma'am." The biker gang that gave us a lift looked at us with a weary grin as I looked around the place. Huh...looks kinda...boring. I mean sure it's pretty big and all, but I thought it'd look...I dunno, maybe cooler looking or something.

"Wow! I thought that London was big, but this…!" Winnie spoke in awe, her eyes shining in awe as she twirled around. "It's so wonderful!"

"Castelia City is home to many businesses, performers and artists hoping to strike it big. The Castelia Gym Leader, Rouge, is one of these performers, already gaining recognition to be one of the more honorable actresses in her time," Simon read, from the Unova town guide that he picked up earlier while we went through one of the terminals, as the Biker Gang started to leave, _promising_ that they'd come back.

Bitches, please.

"Just try and come back, let's see what happens you jackass..." I mumbled as Little Dude snored lightly on my head. Ain't going to lie, feels like a portable air conditioner on my head. Meaning, it feels pretty damn good.

I looked over at N, who had been silent since we arrived. He looked as bright eyed as Winnie, without the giddy twirling. The same childlike look he had back at the daycare. He was so enamored by all of it, he didn't notice that he had stepped into the middle of a driving street, or the car coming towards him until it screeched to a halt in front of him.

"Oi! Pedestrian first assholes!" I screamed as I pulled N and the mascara fox close to me, protecting them from the screaming driver. Pulling N to the side I kneeled on the ground and stared at him with worry in my eyes.

"What are you doing? You can't just step out into a street like that! You'll get run over!"

"I-I'm sorry..." the green-haired child stuttered as his Pokemon muttered something in it's breath. Simon picked N up off the ground and place him on his shoulders as Winnie stared at the car and back at N.

"N, didn't your dad ever tell you to not to walk out of the street like that?" To our shock, he shook his head.

"Jesus Christ, don't tell me you've never seen a car before…" Now I was _really_ worried. I may be an asshole and a jerk, but damn it I'm human too! If a kid has never seen a car in his whole life, then what the hell would he say if he saw a moped...or worse...segways.

I wondered if a recluse kid like N could get through the big city alone…and get out alive.

"Well, I'm gonna go to the Pokémon Center and heal up Ollie and Paige," Winnie said as she turned around to look at us. "See you, Josh! Mr. Simon! N!" She waved goodbye and ran towards the Pokémon Center in the distance. I heard a sniffle as me and Simon looked up to see N...crying?

"You alright their?"

"I-I didn't want her t-to leave..."

Oh crap. Ok calm down Josh, what did you do when you sister cried...oh right, I didn't do shit. I gave her a lollipop and told her that everything was fine...fuck what the hell am I suppose to do-

"Would you like to go with her?" I blinked as Simon suggested the question. N immediately brightened like the ten year old he is. "R-Really? You mean it?"

"Sure, besides I need to get Kermit and Lance checked up on anyways." He mumbled as he turned to me with a frown. "Can you take care of yourself while we're gone?"

"Dude, I was raised in the big city. I don't think I'm going to be worry about my own a- butt anytime soon." I quickly corrected myself, I didn't want to lose another brain cell from the abuse I was taking already. Simon nodded his he and N followed Winnie behind with the kid waving at me, though for some odd reason he looked sad...jeez what the hell is wrong with that kid? First he's happy, then sad, then happy again and now he's freaking sad again! Jeez make up your damn mind!

"Whim?" I pulled Little Dude off of my head, the small Pokemon dangling from my hand as we stared at each other. I heard whispers and giggles from the sideline as we turned to the source of the noise. Girls. All ages. They were taking pictures of us.

We blinked.

They clicked.

Little Dude gave them a wave.

I flipped them off.

They still clicked.

"They better not put this on Facebook." the girls hurried away as I placed Little Dude back on my head, much to his- I mean _her_ pleasure.

I'm still not getting get use to the fact that Little dude is actually a dudette. I sighed as I looked at the sky, "I guess it's just you and me for now-"

"Whiiiiim..."

Suddenly I felt Little Dude's stomach growling. How you guys ask? She's lying on my head so I felt a vibration on my skull. Whimsicott floated off my head as it drifted across the street in a daze.

"Oi! Where the hell are you going!"

I quickly followed the floating, hungry, little Pokemon until she finally stopped in front of a building, allowing me to catch up. "Don't you know you shouldn't run - er, I mean, float off like that in a big city? You could've gotten lost!" I swear, this bastard- I mean, bitch is going to be the end of me.

"Whiiiiiiim..." Little Dude moaned, it's stubby hands outstretched towards the door like a zombie.

I looked down at the little sign that had been set up next to the stairs. "Battle Service Café: Come for great food, great service, and great battles." I heard the sound of a bell and looked down to see Little Dude entering the building- wait...how the hell did it... I looked down and saw only a piece of a cotton in my hand.

"Really?" I threw the cotton down as I rushed into the restaurant. The restaurant was large and wide—or at least the area where the people were eating was. The tables were set in two rectangles with velvet ropes blocking off a large area in the middle of the room, with waiters and waitresses dressed like butlers and maids walked about carrying trays and talking to the seated people.

This must've been one of those theme restaurants.

Like Hooters.

A maid walked by me...

...definitively themed.

One of the waiter poked his head out from behind the wall. "Hm?" He looked at me and smiled. "Oh, a customer!" He jumped out, scaring the living piss out of me as I fell on my ass.

"W-What the hell man!"

"My apologies sir, would you like to be seated?"

"Um...actually..."

"Let me show you to a table." The waiter literally dragged me over to a table, pulling out my chair and helping me to sit down. "We are currently serving dinner. Today is Friday, which means we have a discount on pastry desserts."

"See here's the thing-"

"We also have our tonights special, _Steak au poivre _and the_ Coq au vin._"

"Hold on a minute-"

"Our champagne is one of the best, and-"

"WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR A DAMN MINUTE!" That stopped him, and everyone else that was eating their dinner, to look at me with shock at my sudden outburst and vulgar language, but did I care?

Hell no. If you haven't gotten the fact that I'm an jackass from the last three chapters, then you should go to a doctor and see if you have an aneurism in your damn head.

"Look! A little piece of white cotton that looks like a midget black sheep with blue horns came in here! Have you seen it!" I demanded as the waiter blinked.

"Oh, you mean the Whimsicott!" He points behind me, "Yes, it's eating our delectable dishes that we have-"

"WHAT!" I screamed as I hopped out of my chair and turned around.

To my horror, pile of dishes were laid on the table as Whimsicott ate a _Crème brûlée_ with a joyous look on her face.

That face contorted to agony as I began to suffocate it by shaking it madly. "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT DAMN IT!" I cried, as Little Dude swallowed the dessert. Dropping the cotton Pokemon on the ground I fell on the ground and cursed to the heavens.

"GOD WHY!" I screamed as I felt the audiences behind me stare at me with bemusement.

"Sir...are you ok?" I turned around to see a group of worried waiters, waitress, maids, and cooks. The man that asked me the question was the manager as he was the only one that was dressed a bit more casual than the others. Did that fact matter.

Nope.

This did.

I point at the enormous pile of empty dishes.

"How the fuck am I suppose to pay that?"

"Ah...I see..." the workers all sweat dropped, suddenly understanding my dilemma.

"...maybe we should have waited for the trainer to come..." the maid whispered.

* * *

Guys, here's a secret to lose your virginity with a hot piece of ass: Learn to cook.

It's a guaran-damn-teed panty dropper.

Don't believe me? Talk to some of the guys that had an awesome night with a chick, I bet you that the dude cooked her a damn good meal for her before they got it on later tonight.

That's how I became a pretty damn good chef. To impress my girl one night I cooked her a dinner. Damn, she was all over me by the end of dinner. Now?

I just do it for the hell of it.

I love to cook. Yeah, a guy like me? Cooking? I'm no Bobby Flay or Gordon Ramsay, but I have some considerable skills that put most guys to shame. Learned how to chop and dice like a true asian chef thanks to my mom, and learned most of my other cooking skills thanks to Iron Chef series and other cooking programs. Especially that one vegan hottie.

Chloe Coscarelli, thanks to you, I had a nice forty-five minute with my girl...in bed.

Cooking does everything for me. It's a chick magnet for me, it helps me waste time, but most of all, I cook because it helps me calm down-

"Whim?"

But right now, I still want to burn the little shit that's currently lying on my head.

"Is the order-"

"No! I'm not freaking Masuharu Morimoto or the freaking Iron Chefs that can make five dishes under a god damn hour. Tell those hungry bastards to wait!"

"Y-Yes sir-"

"Shut up!" I sliced through the tomato with a loud, audible, chop; which made the waiter leap in fear. "Well! Get out of here!" The waiter screamed as he literally sprinted his pansy ass out of the kitchen. The chefs around stared as I glared back at them. "The hell are you looking at? GET BACK TO WORK!"

They immediately went back to what they were doing as I took the half tomato and began to dice them rapidly.

I got $11,584 dollars to pay off, and it's all thanks to the little bastard on my head-

Wait...she's not on there...

"LITTLE DUDE! YOU BETTER NOT BE EATING THE BRUSCHETTA APPETIZER OR I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

* * *

_Meanwhile..._

"Mom, is our order going to come out soon?" a boy with a lengthy, wavy, light-brown hair asked as his mom, who was also Castelia City's gym leader Rogue. The woman sighed as she checked the time, they've been waiting here for the past twenty minutes and yet their appetizers haven't come out yet. The waiter said that he was going to ask the chef why it was taking a while for their dish to come out-

Wait...is that screaming that she hears-

Suddenly the kitchen door bursts open as the very same waiter rushed out of the kitchen with fear written all over his face. Rogue is not a psychologist or a therapist, but she damn well know when someone is scared, and boy was this guy terrified.

"What happened?" She asked as the waiter began to hyperventilate as he tried to get the words out of his mouth, but to no avail. She sighed as she walked over to the overexcited waiter, intending to snap him out of his pathetic stupor-

"LITTLE DUDE! YOU BETTER NOT BE EATING THE BRUSCHETTA APPETIZER OR I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

...well at least that explains why their appetizer is taking so long to be made.

"I-I'm sorry, it's o-our newest worker-"

"It's fine, just get my son a juice and get me another bottle of wine." She just knows that this is going to take a while for their appetizer and main to come out any time soon.

* * *

It was a while but I finally got the bruschetta out for the guest. Now I was working on the steaks as I began to grill them, while I was sautéing the vegetables for the side-

"Whim-"

"No."

"Whiiim-"

"No!"

"Whi-"

"THERES A GOD DAMN REASON WHY YOUR TIED UP LIKE THAT!" I exclaimed as Little Dude was dangling up in the air with duct tape taped around her limbs. She struggled to get out, but there's no way she'll get out with that kind of anatomical structure. She began to cry as I rolled my eyes while listening to other people whisper Pokemon abuse.

"It's not an abuse if there's a reason." I muttered as I pulled the food _away_ from Little Dude. No way in hell was I going to get her get even close to any of those dishes. She already ate fifty of those two hundred dollar meals, I am not going to let her add more dishes to my debt.

"Come on, let her go! That Whimsicott isn't going to be a bother to you-"

"Whose fault is it that I'm working here?" That shut them up as I gently placed the steak onto the dish, next to the sautéd vegetables. To finish it off, I dabbed a bit of horseradish onto the steak.

"ORDER UP!"

* * *

Rogue had many steaks.

This steak, although well done and deliciously good, wasn't worth the long wait.

But...

"Burgh? How's your dinner?"

"It's good mom!"

If her son was enjoying it, then she was enjoying it as well.

* * *

**And...That's chapter 4, sorry for the long wait. **

**School is a bitch.**

**Period**

**Oh and no more OC's please...**


	5. The Hell is Wrong With The Author?

PokéCenter. A type of building that provides regulatory services for Pokémon Trainers, and hoes. Pokémon Centers are found in most towns and cities of the Pokémon world; every major city or town holds a Pokémon Center. Some Pokémon Centers can be found outside of towns next to large forests or caves, hell even next to a prostitution station. Sometimes they're placed next to hell itself, because you shouldn't face the devil without a fully healed Pokémon team, right? Pokémon Centers are built where many Trainers gather and the area becomes popular, hence why this place was built here, the New York rip off. This is to accommodate those Trainers in need and serve as a resting spot, the lazy bastards. The most common service the Pokémon Center offers is healing Pokémon free of charge, so in short: no need for medical insurance for your Pokémon.

So let's go to our other three heroes, cause here's a glimpse of what's going on with me and Little Dude.

"LITTLE DUDE! STOP EATING THE CHERRY TOMATOS!"

So yeah, I'm not having the best time right now. So in recent events of my dismay, why don't we look at other people's misery?

"S'cuse me Mr. Evans, but I got a question." Winnie began as she, Simon and N (who is currently riding Simon's shoulders with Zorua on his head {what the hell is up with my stories that involve with heads?}) walked towards to the center of the PokéCenter.

"What is it Winfried?" The cockney'd accented teenager groaned, "Sorry, but call me Winnie, I absolutely hate being called Winfried."

"Well then, ye' can call me Simon. I feel extremely old whenever people call me Mr. Evans." N blinked as he looked over at the older man, "But aren't you already old?"

"N, be a good boy and sing Wheel on the Bus." N's expression instantly brightened as he joyously began to bounce up and down on his shoulders, singing the lyrics:

_The wheels on the bus go_  
_round and round_  
_round and round_  
_round and round_  
_The wheels on the bus go_  
_round and round_  
_All through the town_

"So what's your question?" Winnie actually looked nervous as she tried to divert his attention elsewhere. "N said it, so you don't need to answer it if you don't." Seeing how he simply stared at her, Winnie sighed and continued with her question.

"How come you're doing this? I mean, you're old, you shouldn't be doing this at all..." Simon withheld a chuckle as the machine behind Nurse Joy reeved up to heal his Pokémon. "To be honest? It was an accident."

"A-An accident?" She repeated hesitantly as Nurse Joy handed Simon back his two Pokéballs. In turn, Winnie handed Nurse Joy her team of Pokémon. "I'm still trying to figure out what this world is offering me, I mean why am I here in the first place?"

Winnie stopped and hummed as a light tone rang through the PokéCenter. "I think I know where your coming from. I mean, I just popped here in this world minding my own business and all. I'm wondering what I'm suppose to do here, but with all these Pokémon around, it's kind hard to find that goal..." Winnie sheepishly confessed as she took her pokéballs from the always smiling nurse as N plopped Zorua in front of her for his rounds.

"You know what this reminds me of?" Winnie randomly spoke as she looked around the center, "Life."

"Life?"

"You think you know what you want to do, but all of the suddenly you find yourself not knowing what the heck to do." Simon hummed as Zorua hopped off of the counter after Nurse Joy finished with it's check up. "Sometimes you forget what you wanna do with your life and just..."

Now we can make this part of the story into some deep and meaningful chapter that would force the reader to contemplate his or her entire life. But I'm Joshua fucking Chung, I don't do that shit unless it's with YuGiOh or Magic.

"Hey, you!" Winnie paused herself as a random voice hollered inside the PokéCenter.

Now we can make this part of the chapter into some sort of hazing or bullying to the newer OC of the story and make her go through character development like any other characters. But I'm Joshua fucking Chung, I don't do that shit unless it's with YuGiOh or Magic. So instead of bullying, we get this:

"Can we be friends?" The boy asked as Winnie instantly smiled. "Of course!" the said boy grinned brightly as he snapped his fingers, "Oh by the way, what do you think about my new shoes!" Simon and N blinked. Shoes? First some random strangers wants to be friends with her, now he wants her to check out his shoes-

"Well I think- WAIT A MINUTE!" Winnie suddenly cried out as she points at the shoes in front of her. The English girl's reaction was that of someone who witnessed a murder of several hundred puppies. "Those aren't new shoes! They're ripped and have dirt all over them!" Winnie made a fist, "You lied to me! Stranger I just met thirty seconds ago, we are no longer friends! You liar!"

The sweat-drops that were produced in the room was more then enough to fuel the PokéCenter if it was running on a water-powered electric generator.

"No! I cannot accept this! I won't allow you to destroy our friendship!" The boy took in a deep breath before looking back up, his face bolded with determination. "There's only one thing left to do..."

"Yeah..."

In synchronized fashion, the two pulled out a Pokéball from their belt and struck a pose. "I CHALLENGE YOU TO A POKÉ-BATTLE!"

Simon just pulled N away from the scene in front of them.

Forget the PokéCenter, the sweat-drops that were produced in the center is more than enough to power a city.

* * *

PSYCH!

Did you guys really think that I would end the chapter here? Well, actually I was...I was going to use the top part of the story in chapter four and be done with it, but then I wouldn't know how to continue this story-

But enough about that! Cue the music!

N, Simon and...well pretty much everyone in the room jumped when an electric guitar shreded through the PokéCenter. The only one that weren't affected were Winnie and the other trainer across from her.

**LIAR MENTIROSO Wants to battle!**

"Go! Swadloon!"If you were me, you'd probably think that this Pokémon stoned for his whole life. Though glum and grumpy looking, and a frown on his face, his expression literally screams 'don't bug me dudes I'm high like a mutha-'

If that's not enough to make you guys see him as a stoner, then his blanket/hoodie would definitely make him a proper suspect to be one helluva stoner. What you want an actual description? Here's something from wikipedia: Swadloon is a round, yellow Pokémon inside of a cocoon of leaves, which it drapes around itself and is able to see through a crescent slit in the leaves. Under its "blanket" are darker green limp leaves which trail under its body. The top of the cocoon has two crests connected joined together at the bottom to form a "v" shape and appear to be the Pokémon's antennae. On its back are the veins of the leaf as well as its stumpy tail. Swadloon is almost always seen wearing a glum or bored expression, with a small frown and its eyes looking vaguely grumpy.

But right now, Swadloon is not important at the moment, no who is important is Winnie and what she would bring out in this situation.

"Go Ollie!"

...really? You're bringing a water-Pokémon to fight a... ok fine, whatever, it's your choice.

The moment she threw the ball into the air, the ball shot the stream of light _upward_. The blue otter flipped in the air before landed on the ground with a very, very unusual pose. Drawing his foot forward while bringing his arms back. He swung to the front and...you know what, it's too hard to explain what he's doing. All you need to know is that in the end, he pose is strangely similar to Kamen Rider Black. "**Dewott Ott Dew Dew Dewott! DEWOTT DEW DEWOTT!" **

N blinked as he looked down at Simon, "Mr. Evans I get that he said his name earlier, but what did Ollie mean when he said: To Protect Justice, Truth, and Winnie's Virginity?."

Ah N, you and your innocence will forever be remembered by us fandom.

Mentiroso seemed to be more than a little nervous at this, but quickly shook his stupor as the battle began immediately. Winnie didn't seem to notice that the Swadloon clearly had the advantage. Or perhaps he did, and figured Ollie could pull off a victory anyway. "All right, Ollie! Use Water Gun!"

Ollie, for reasons unknown, flipped the Swadloon off before spitting as hard as he could at the roundish shaped Pokémon. The Overcoat Pokémon dodged the attack, by rolling out of the way (a very cute sight for anyone to see), and prepared to launch an attack of its own. A short call of its name later, and Ollie had to go ninja on it's ass, dodging a stream of razor leafs with amazing acrobatic feats.

Mentrioso swallowed nervously. "Ok. Remember what we talked about, Swadloon! Use Zap Cannon!"

The poor bastard nodded as if he could actually use Zap Cannon, and concentrated. It's squeezed his eyes shut, and it focused so hard that for a brief moment; Winnie, Simon, N and pretty much everyone else in the damn PokéCenter almost believed that the little bugger would defy all logic and actually pull it off.

Swadloon let out a loud battlecry...

...before shooting out an Energy Ball...

...which completely missed it's mark.

"...Ollie, go samurai."

The moment Winnie said "samurai" everything became deadly silent. It was so silent that if someone walked in here, they would wonder if there was anyone actually _**breathing**_. Ollie kneeled in a seiza as a lone sakura petal fluttered downward to the arena. The lights dimmed as the light only flashed on the Dewott and the now tired Swadloon, with a single path in front of the two. If that's not samurai enough, the how about a sad, three-note, melody of a flute echoing in the disturbingly silent battlefield?

Then...the petal landed on the ground-

**_WOOSH_**

Everyone, excluding Winnie, blinked rapidly as the audience as well as Mentrioso gapped when they saw Ollie on the other side of the room. The Dewott was behind Swadloon at an arms length. In a kiza, Ollie had one of his scallops out, a blue energy like katana protruding from the tip of the shell. Standing, Ollie flicked the blade before slowly sheathing the blade, or simply deactivating the energy as he slowly placed the scallop back onto his left thigh.

Chink.

"LOOOOOOOooooon." it screamed before it fell over, unconscious.

3...2...1...

"Daaaaaaaaaaayuuuuuuuuuuum." Everyone exclaimed, Mentiroso looking at his fallen Pokémon with shock. "I-Impossiburu! WHAT ARE YOU!?" Ollie simply turned to the trainer and cracked it's neck.

"**Dew, dew-ew-ott, dew...dew dew Ott, Dew."** Of course, no one really knew what Ollie said, but thankfully Simon has the solution to the dilemma.

"Hey N, what did Ollie say to the kid?" N concentrated, trying to recall what Winnie's Ollie just said, before translating what the Discipline Pokémon had said.

"I think he said: My name has been long lost through the history of time, and my decision to join my sire...but if you wish to know, they call me, Ollie."

**"Dew Dewott/**Samurai Ollie." **  
**

_I'll be back._  
_Back to the past._  
_Oh, Samurai Ollie._  
_O-O-O-O-o-Ollie. _  
_Wha-Ollie._  
_ Wheeeweee._

"Dafuq was that?" One of the trainer asked as the other trainers in the PokéCenter began to question where that noise came from, and if their sanities are still intact. The referee, who Simon had heard was called Joyce Joy -a.k.a the assistant nurse-, hid her face in one hand while waving the other in Winnie's direction. "Swadloon is unable to battle," she declared. "Therefore Winnie is the winner."

Mentiroso sighed and recalled Swadloon. "So much for the confusion code. Best two out of three?" he asked, Winnie blinked. "Why not?" the British finally said. "I suppose I could use one of my other guys as a second option, if needed."

"All right!" Mentiroso tossed out the other two Pokeballs, sending Maractus and Darumaka out to the battlefield. He looked them right in the eye, "I want one of you to help me make this girl my bestest of friend," he told them. "Which one of you wants to fight?"

"Pick the Maractus," One of the trainers advised, who was rolling his eyes while telling the incompetent trainer on choosing the better Pokémon of the two. "That Darumaka won't last two seconds with that ridiculously OP'ed Dewott."

"Great idea! All right, Darumaka, go play with Lupita. Maractus and I are gonna finish this." As Maractus waddled onto the battlefield, Dewott sighed. This one should be easy. If only that flesh-bag that peeped on Winnie was here, at least he was more of a challenge than...this. Of course, Maractus is this trainer's very first Pokémon, so that was sure to be interesting.

"All right, Maractus! Let's start out with Flamethrower!"

...that is if her trainer was actually smart enough to give out _smart_ orders. Maractus, as well as the audience around them, rolled their eyes.

All...but one.

"SAY WHAT!? MARACTUS IS A FIRE TYPE!?" Everyone face faulted as Winnie stared at the Grass-type Pokémon with shock. "B-But it's a cactus..." That's why it's a Grass-type, darling.

"BE CAREFUL OLLIE! MARACTUS IS A FIRE-TYPE!"

Ollie smacked himself in the face, sometimes he wished Winnie had a bit of common sense built into her. Then again, this is someone who didn't noticed that she was being peeped at while taking a shower.

Maractus couldn't believe it, there was actually someone more dumb than her trainer. Then again, Winnie never played Black or White, so she wouldn't know any better. _Least this will give me a small, but a winning, chance against the Dewott. Throw out an element of surprise._ The cactus thought to herself, assuming attacking position once again. She briefly considered mutiny, but, deciding to obey Mentiroso's command, she lunged across the field, with one of Maractus' arms shining brightly.

Thinking that she would fire a solar-beam or something similar as that, Ollie raised his arms to protect himself from the attack. Unfortunately, Ollie left his abdominals opened as Maractus took the opportunity to sock Ollie right in the guts.

"**Dew! Dewott Dew!"** (Shit! Needle Arm!") It gasped out as Maractus shot out another punch to the ribs. Getting suckered punch was not fun. Getting suckered punch with needles was **_definitely_** no bueno.

"Ollie! Are you alright?!" Winnie cried worriedly, trying hard not to run in there and just scoop the smaller Pokémon away from the psycho-cactus. Pansage tossed the Patrat over it's body as she brought it's cactus arms together. A green light forms in Maractus' hands, shadowing an image of a seed. Quickly bringing it down, she aimed and fired the seed at the opponent. Simon winced as the seed-like energy ball exploded the moment it impacted on Ollie's exposed back.

"Ollie!" Winnie cried as she was about to sprint over there and rescue her friend, only to be beaten there by someone...other than Winnie.

"Oh, no!" Mentiroso wailed as he cradled the otter. "He's dead!"

"...he's not dead," Nurse Joy tried to reassure him. "Pokemon are built to take this. Winnie's Dewott didn't die, and neither did your Swadloon."

"But how do you know we didn't push Ollie too hard and kill him?" Winnie was gobsmacked at the audacity of this trainer. I mean, if anything, it should be **_her_** that should be questioning the nurse, not this...idiot! Ollie just lay there, eyes open and ready to battle again as soon as he got the command, but the stupidity of the battling trainers all but ensured that this wouldn't be over unless he got up. So, with a sigh, the ever badass-samurai-otter pushed himself into a standing position, ready to fight again.

"He's ok!" Mentiroso cheered, before getting a face full of water; courtesy from Ollie. Winnie knew that Ollie was alright, though she was relieved that Ollie withstood the attack like a boss. "Alright! Now, Ollie, go samurai again!"

**"Dewott!"** (Fuck that!) The Dewott cursed as it's body briefly becomes surrounded in blue energy. It only lasted a second as the blue glow fades; but then, its body becomes surrounded in a torrent of water as the otter shoots itself into the sky like a rocket. Performing a flip- wait...did time just go back a few seconds? Cause I see Ollie doing the same flip on the same place in the air- he just did it again!

...well he is Ollie. So it wouldn't make sense that the otter wouldn't be able to manipulate time- wait a damn minute! How is he moving into a Rider Kick when the torrent is pushing him upward- and is he actually moving faster!? "**Dew-ott-DEWOOOOOOTT!**" (Pokémon-Rider-KIIIICK!) Dewott's foot smashed into Maractus' face as Ollie turned around and began to walk away-

**BOOOOM!**

If the trainer's haven't shit their pants yet, they have now. Maractus, for some odd apparent reason, combusted into flames the moment Ollie too three steps away from the cactus Pokémon- ok, I have a confession to make. I wrote this part of the story after downing three shots of tequila, sue me.

"N-No way..." Winnie whispered while looking at Ollie with sparkling eyes. "OLLIE! YOU'RE A KAMEN RIDER!"

"T-That makes no sense at all."

"That Dewott is suppose to be a water type, how the hell did he make that Maractus explode?"

"Dude, nothing about this damn story makes any damn sense."

N had sparkles in his eyes, completely ignoring the fact that a Pokémon had died; there was just something in his heart that screamed "MANLINESS!" When he heard Ollie roar out the attack name.

And that, ladies and gentleman, is how N became a Kamen Rider fanboy.

* * *

Nah I was just shitting with you guys.

* * *

After Mentiroso handed her the loser fee (and the liar fees! - Winnie), the trainer picked up the Darumaka from a girl with long black hair- which was tied in a braid, "This isn't over Winnie! I will return stronger than before and get revenge for destroying our friendship!" He yelled at the London jailbait before running away...to the PokéCenter front desk.

"Well that was random." The girl, that was toying with the Darumaka, summarized most of this chapter as her emerald colored eyes wandered over to Winnie and her Dewott. "So what the hell did you do with your Dewott to make him so strong?"

"Actually," Winnie began as she stared at the Dewott, who was glaring at Mentiroso. "Ollie's been strong ever since he pulled me out from a river."

"Really?" Eyes showing disbelief, the girl crossed her arms (darker than it actually is Simon noted), "I wouldn't have guessed." The girl chortled, as N observed this stranger. She was wearing a plain short-sleeved white shirt, dark blue jeans, and sandals that matched with her grey handbag; what made N's eyes linger on the bag was the Mesprit key chain, hanging off on the straps of the bag.

"So how do you know that guy?" Winnie asked as the dark skinned gal scoffed, "Would you believe that bastard did the same thing he did to you to me?" Winnie's mouth dropped.

"He lied to you about the shoes!" The girl blinked, "He battled you over shoes? I battled him about his bag..."

The two looked at one another before looking up at the heavens. "God, what the hell did you smoke when making this dude?"

It sure wasn't god when he decided to create a character sporadically just so that there would be a Pokémon battle in this story, that's for sure. "So my name's Lupita by the way."

"I'm Winnie!" The every-happy ginger replied with a grin, as she introduced herself with a scratch on her head. "Super Mario is Simon and Little Green is N."

"Hey now..." Simon began as Lupita looked at the grizzly elder with a nod, "Now that you mentioned it, he does look like Mario."

"But for some odd reason, he's not Italian."

"He's not!?" Lupita's mouth dropped.

"Nope! He's English!"

"No way!" Lupita looked at the man with wide eyes, "Can you say something dirty in English!?"

"Why would I, you little tit..." The man grumbled under his breath as N looked down at the girl then back at Winnie. "Why did you call me Little Green?" The smaller boy asked as Winnie hummed. "Well, you have green hair, and your voice reminds me of TeamFourStar's Dende."

"What's a Dende?" N sure as hell never heard of that Pokémon before in his life. "He's a little green alien-"

"Then don't you mean an Elgyem?"

"What the bloody monkey hell is an Elgyem?" Winnie asked, flabbergasted that there's actually an actual alien Pokémon here on this planet. No, Clefary, Solrock and Lunatone don't count...don't ask me why. I just feel like those Pokémon aren't alien enough for me to be considered as an alien.

"It's an alien-" N began, only to be cut off by Winnie.

"No, an alien would be E.T." Lupita shook her head.

"No, that be an Asari."

"Yoda!"

"Turians!"

"Na'vis!"

Lupita and Winnie continued to list off various of aliens that has been created in our world as everyone looked on at the sight, shaking their heads. Unbeknownst to them, this is a start to one of the most epic battle of history! Where two combatant will list off every single alien to ever exist in planet earth! It's fair game, and anything can be used. Aliens from Star Trek, Dragon Ball, Mass Effect, Star Wars - you name them, they'll probably be on this story! It'll be known as the battles of Alien-

"I'm hungry..." N moaned as he tiredly putting his head on top of Simon's scalp as the older-London plumber rubbed his stomach as well. "Now that you mentioned it, I'm kind of peckish for some fish n' chips."

"Fish N' Chips!" Winnie cheered as Lupita looked at the two rather awkwardly, "Is this some English thing, or am I missing something here?" she murmured.

And just like that, the battle is now forgotten through time and space...

* * *

Meanwhile...

"The Durants go marching one by one, hurrah! Hurrah!" Taylor sang, her newly caught Litwick hanging tightly on her left calf, fearfully glancing behind; the poor pokemon yelped in fear as it quickly scrambled up to Taylor's shirt and hid it's tiny little body in the trainer's rather large bussom. It almost looked like she had a vibrator in between her breasts; it's actually funnier than it sounds.

Various of trainers stared at the girl's trembling breasts either lecherously or with bamboozlement. What could have made this Ghost Pokémon so scared that it would tremble in fear inside of Taylor's shirt?

Why, it's none other than Taylor's accompaniment, her big breasted partner, and the more creepier of the duo, Violet.

The lolita-gothic like trainer was following behind the rather go-happy trainer ominously. Her steps clicked with an eerie echo, almost inhuman. Her eyes examined each trainer, as her chortle shook even the most experience trainers with an unnerving chill. She was the polar opposite of Taylor. Like a Clefable and a Gengar, their personality and their Pokemon truly differs one another.

Especially with their Pokemon.

Where as Taylor's Litwick trembled in fear, Violet's Litwick was the exact opposite. Sitting on top of the sickly pale shoulder of it's trainer, Vergil was giggling wildly as the cowardly Litwick that hid in Taylor's shirt would immediately retreat back inside whenever the two would make eye-contact. It didn't help that Violet's pyromanic Litwick blowing things up one after another. From the harmless Seawaddle that slept peacefully to the more vivacious Venipede that were battling one another.

It only got worse when the two arrived to Castelia City...

"Excuse me miss! You can't let your Litwick blow up our mailboxes like that- OHMYGOD!" One of the poor officers that was trying to enforce the law of the city screamed in pain as Vergil, sick and tired of the officer's rabble-rousing, shot another ball of fire at the poor sap. He didn't get a moment's rest when Litwick, using his inherited psionic powers, amped the flames on the officer's clothes.

Now normally, a whole squad of law enforcement woud have rushed in there to stop the trainer and the Pokémon; but this is no ordinary trainer and no ordinary Pokémon, this is Violet and Vergil the Pyromanic Litwick.

If the Pokémon and it's Pokedex entry didn't scare the officers off, the trainer did. One glance at Violet made them stop and contemplate if it was even a good idea to try and approach her. Taylor, now tired of singing, was just happily walking side by side with Violet, who was now humming a rather...creepy tune.

One that day, 1001 Poochyenas, Skitties, and Lillipups died horrifically, and no one knew why.

Now I can go into details about the horrors that Violet did when she sang the Lavender Town theme, but I'm Joshua Chung! I don't do that shit unless if it's with my YuGiOh stories! So, by the powers invested in me! I activate "MOOD BREAKER!"

"Boing!"

Violet stopped abruptly as she glanced down at her breasts, which were being fondled by a cat-faced Taylor.

"Boing! Boing! Boing! Boing-BOING! BOING-Boing-Boing-BooooOOOING!" Taylor cheerfully sang as she groped the rather sinister looking trainer with an adorable smile. With each Boing she sang, the other giant breasted trainer groped Violet rather joyfully. Violet, to her credit, showed no exterior expression, other than a rather powerful, but strangely effective, blank look. Once Taylor was finished, Violet finally found her voice to ask Taylor the ultimate question.

"Taylor...what the hell?"

"You looked like you needed it!" Taylor responded with a grin.

"A grope?"

"No! The Happy Happy Squeeze!" Taylor answered with a bigger grin, "My nanny would give me the Happy Happy Squeeze whenever I'm feeling down and not in a mood to play."

Taylor's nanny, wherever the hell you are, thank you so much for teaching Taylor the Happy Happy Squeeze. The trainers around Castelia City blissfully thought as the male and some of the females in the city watched the scene with smiles on their faces. Some of them excused themselves for a shower. A nice cold shower. OK I was just exaggerating on that part, but hey, with boobs like Violet's? I'd say it's enough for anyone to jerk themselves off- wait, what the hell is that guy doing over there?

No, he's not jerking himself off. In fact...

"Better hand over that PokéBall fag!"

It looks like that guy is being bullied by other guys. For some odd reason, the boy being called a fag looks very familiar...where have we seen him before? Well let's make a check list and find out. Dumb hairstyle? Check. Stupid red scarf? Check? Extremely gay looking belt buckle? It's a butterfly; a really large butterfly with smiles on the "head". The fuck do you guys think? So where have we met him?

Give up? Come on, you guys, don't do this to me...

...Cause I don't know either. I was hoping you, as the audience would find out and tell me...

"Where's your mommy to protect you know mama's boy!?"

...nope still doesn't ring any bells.

"Gonna run back to the Gym? Cry to mommy?"

...I-It's like, it's like right in my face! Who the hell is this little faggot that's being bullied by other little faggots?!

"Boo-Hoo Burgh! Burrow back to your burrow Burgh!"

...nope, still nothing.

Now normally, the author doesn't condone any type of bullying; however because he writes this story on and off, and the only time he does write this story is when he's extremely high, he doesn't give a rat's ass about how the bull-e is being bullied by the bully. So this brat's on his own- wait where the hell did Taylor go?

"Hey! Leave him alone!" The bullies looked up from-

"Boobies!" the three yelled as Taylor ran towards the bruised and battered Burgh. Unfortunately - oh who the fuck am I kidding? These three bastards are the luckiest sons of bitches to ever exist! Because god decided to be like "Hey! These fag's made my day, might as well award them for their troubles." Because it wasn't even three steps in when all of a sudden-

"Hello!"

A talking turtle literally popped out of nowhere. I shit you not, a talking turtle; and yes, it did say hello to the three. Oh and while we're at it, this turtle probably weighed about five hundred pounds or something, cause when Taylor accidentally kicked the turtle's underbelly, the tiny turtle didn't budged one bit. In fact, it's this reason why I call these three assholes the luckiest assholes to walk on the Earth.

"Wheeeee!" Taylor tripped over on the damn turtle. Luckily for her, Taylor's DD-cup breasts cushioned her fall- that and her breasts were cushioned by those three little bastards who got a face-full of breasts by Taylor.

The unfortunate part was that their heads landed hard onto the concrete...but still, boobies.

"Owie..." Taylor moaned as she got off of the three. Blood dripping out of their nose; weather it'd be from the Japanese folklore of pervert's gushing out blood from their nose, or because of the trauma from falling onto the ground -or even an aneurysm out of sheer stupidity - the three were indefinitely knocked out cold. Taylor quickly looked at the three and gasped. "Oh no! Are they alright?"

"They're fine," Violet jumped in as she looked at...damn it, I forgot his name.

"What's your name?"

...That's _**exactly**_ what I needed right then and there! At that time! Thank you for not being an useless female OC- and thank you for being hot too, even though your kind of creepy. It's the best of both world!

...it's not that bad.

"B-Burgh.."

"Well Burgh, mind telling us why those boys decided to antagonize you?"

"Antagonize?" Both Taylor and Burgh asked at the same time while Vergil began to light up the three bullies with a frown.

"_Why the hell won't you_ _scream_!?" Buttercream cake for anyone who knows who said that line.

"What I meant to say was, why we're those three bullying you." Violet asked earnestly...well as earnestly as she could sound, cause even when she's earnest it still had that foreboding tone. Though that didn't shook up Burgh as he told his story to the two.

And so he told them the very, very, very sad story of Burgh.

* * *

_My mom's the gym leader here in Castelia City, but before that we lived in a very broken and a very abusive household. _

"Bitch! This chicken is cold!" Burgh's father roared as he bitchslapped the fuck out of that hoe. Little four-year-old Burgh stood behind the doorway in fear...

_After three years in that abusive household, we quickly fled to the Johto Region where my mother remarried. But..._

"Bitch! This chicken is cold!" Burgh's stepfather roared as he bitchslapped the fuck out of that hoe. Little seven-year-old Burgh stood behind the doorway in fear...

_My mom divorced him after a year, but every region we moved to it was always the same. She suffered from every single kind of abuse with each region: weather it was physical abuse in the Hoenn Region..._

"Degenerate female," The black-skinned man roared as he splashed hot tea over Burgh's mother, before bitchslapping the fuck out of the hoe. "This supposedly cooked poultry is not of sufficient temperature!" Little eight-and-a-half-year-old Burgh stood behind the doorway in fear...

_Verbal abuse in the Sinnoh Region..._

"I thought I told you," An English accented cop began as he held up his ski mask in front of her. His face inflamed with redness and evidence of extreme dry skin. "Not to wash my bloody ski mask with detergent because IT IRRITATES MY FUCKING ECZEMA! WHAT THE HELL DOES IT HAVE TO TAKE YOU TO REALIZE SOMETHING SIMPLE AS THIS YOU DAFT OF A WHORE! GOD YOU'RE ON OF THE MOST USELESS GLUTTON OF A BITCH! NOTHING BUT A BASS, POOR, BROKEN, BEGGARLY, THREE-SUITED, HUNDRED-POUND, FILTHY, WORSTED-STOKING, COUNTERPRODUCTIVE-WIDOW BITCH!" Little nine-year-old Burgh hid in the cellar, listening to his mother's boyfriend put the smacketh-down on her with words.

He did not bitchslapped the fuck out of the hoe, but she sure wished he did.

_She even suffered spiritual abuse when we lived in the Orange League._

"Look at you," The spiritual guru began as he glared at Burgh's mother, who sat in between little ten-year-old Burgh. "Nobody want's your useless fat ass but me. Not even fucking Mew wants you. Arceus don't even know why you exist. Hell I bet you don't have no purpose in the yin-yang, slut. Lemme tell you this though, you sloppy-second of a kangaskhan reject. You ain't shit without me. You without me equals shit. You understand that? You ugly, second-rate, bitch?"

_Honestly I didn't think that my mom would continue to live on with all the stuff that had happened to her, that is until her friend in Unova heard about her plight. It was a conveniently placed Deus Ex Machina, I think. But nevertheless we both took it. She had been set on opening my mom's eyes to reality and pull her out of the circle of people that strengthened her warped view. It was a difficult process. After several months in which she'd carefully introduced my mom's to new ideas and managed to make her open up somewhat, she had started her attempt to break through this armor of extreme conservatism and traditional upbringing. _

_Not going to lie, it had almost cost their friendship and resulted in lots of shouting and anger; it almost costed her right to take care of me. My mom felt betrayed that her friend and her son would question some of the basics of her worldview. But we finally found peace, and we finally moved to the Unova Region where with the help of her new friends, she made an whole new identity for herself. A new woman. Self-confidence burst into a whole new high! She even became the Castelia Gym in records time..._

* * *

"...but I couldn't do the same, and my mom knew about it too, so she would send her Pokémon to guard over me...hence the reason why I'm constantly teased. Those guys think that because I need my mom's Pokémon to protect me-"

"They think your a pansy, a momma's boy." Violet finished as Vergil, irritated that he wasn't getting any attention from the unconscious bullies, began to stomp the hell out of their faces...that would have worked if the damn candle had any feet to do any harm. "What I don't get is why you're allowing it to happen, I mean from what I understand, shouldn't you have gotten stronger after all of that?"

"Honestly? Those stories about people that make someone strong with drama is just a coin-flip. Some people can be tougher, some people can be weaker from the events that transpired from their past."

"I'm guessing you're the later of the two." Violet surmised as Vergil finally gave up and hopped off of the charred bodies of the three bullies, fortunately the three are still alive.

"Pretty much." Little thirteen-year-old Burgh finished, "I'm just glad for my mom, I really don't care about what other people think. Before any of this, my mom wouldn't even think twice on sending out her Pokémon to protect me..."

Now we can continue on with the story with Burgh therapeutic session, which would last up to three chapters of this story, but I'm Joshua fucking Chung; I only do that shit in my YuGiOh story.

...also I haven't done a musical number yet.

"UNACCEPTABLE!" The two jumped...well Burgh jumped, Violet's eyes fluttered wildly in shock. Their expression changed drastically at one look at Taylor. Gone with her dress and all, Taylor was now garbed in...a karate gi?

"Just because your mom moved on doesn't mean you shouldn't! We're going to help you with you're self-esteem issues Burgh!" The said pre-teen looked at Taylor with bewilderment. Hornswoggled, the boy was too stunned - weather it was from Taylor's enthusiasm, or from how the karate gi was hugging her massive boobs tightly - to the point where he barely noticed that Taylor was already dragging him off to the forest.

"You know..." Violet turned to the screen with a frown. "What I don't understand is how Burgh is affected with low self-esteem when all the stuff that happened in his childhood was directed to his incompetent mother." The haunting-image trainer looked at her Litwick, who stared back with a devilish grin.

"...alright, but only for a half-an-hour; after that, you're going back inside."

* * *

Pinwheel Forest, in short and dumb term, is a huge forest. With mountains and fields on the outskirts, and a variety of foliage and moss. Inside the forest, there are mossy trees, one where a herd of Galvantula and Joltik live. If one were to have a flying type Pokémon, they'll be able to fly into the sky and see that in the middle of the forest is a giant tree where the whole forest could be seen from...oh and there are some waterfalls and caves where Patrat live, but none of that really matters.

Currently the three were in Burgh's hideout, the highest point in the giant tree that was in the middle. Burgh, now dressed in a Karate Gi in his size, stood in the center with a nervous look on his face as he followed Taylor's katas...or what it appears to be katas.

"Alright! It's time for a test my young apprentice!" Burgh's expression instantly morphed to shock. "A test? Already!? But I haven't even gotten the fundamentals yet-"

Suddenly a gong roared in the room, as the room vibrated ridiculously. Burgh looked for the source of the sound, only to see Violet point at Taylor. "Better get your head in the game." She muttered ominously as Taylor began to...scream?

_Hayatatatacha!_

Taylor, with a quick motion, pulled a mic from between her breasts and...rapped.

_Kick! Punch! It's all in the mind!_  
_If you wanna test me, I'm sure you'll find!_  
_The things I'll teach ya is sure to beat ya!_  
_But nevertheless you'll get a lesson from teacher!_

What's more impressive was the fact that Taylor was rapping while dancing...and kicking...and punching...and jumping kick a wangsta. Burgh watched in bewilderment as Taylor suddenly kicked next to him. "Now kick!"

"Kick!" Burgh imitated her action, when suddenly she quickly changed to a different attack.

"Punch!"

"P-Punch-"

"Chop!"

"C-Cho-"

"Block!"

"...Block?" Burgh finished the last one with confusion, because the block was...well puffing out the chest... Burgh's torture was far from done as Taylor quickly got into another set from the previous one. This time, Burgh knew what she was doing and was a bit more confident in following her actions.

"Kick!"

"K-Kick!"

"Punch!"

"Punch!"

"Chop!"

"Chop!"

"Block!"

"..." Burgh didn't even attempt to do the last one... big mistake. Taylor, noticing that he didn't follow that last one, quickly got in his face and rapped another set of verses. Which of course unnerved the smaller teen. Hey, this kid only saw Taylor as a ditzy, bubbly girl with giant boobs, he didn't think she was a rapper at all...

_Don't get cocky, it's gonna get rocky!_  
_We gonna move down to the next ya jockey now!_

"Duck!" The poor boy ducked to slow as Taylor kicked the boy on the back of the head. Worse, he wasn't given time to recover as Taylor quickly made a mickey out of the boy,"Jump!" Not able to get up in time, he was given a low kick, which toppled him over.

"Turn!" He rolled over and got off the ground. "And finally... Pose!"

"...Pose?"

"Pose!"

"P-Pose!" Burgh agreed as he struck a pose. Getting onto his knee's he outstretched his arms, which will later become his iconic Gym Leader pose, but that's for another time._  
_

_Hm, yeah I see you're gettin' better!_  
_Kick to the limit in order to get better now!_

"Kick, punch!" Taylor took it up a notch as she did two attacks in a quick succession. Burgh, still sore from the last attack, was barely able to follow with what Taylor was doing. His voice was hoarse, and he couldn't even lift his limbs as fast as Taylor was. Worse, Violet and Vergil were snickering at his misery and torture.

_Chop, block – Chop, kick – Punch, block_  
_It's gonna get harder now!_

Burgh groaned. Loudly.

_Duck and jump – Turn and pose – Duck and turn – Jump and punch_

_Come on now, why don'tcha follow my words_  
_Because we're almost done, I'll make it easy at first_  
_I wanna see if you wanna see what it takes_  
_To be the man with the master plan_  
_Are you the man now?_

"Where...the heck *gasp* does she *pant pant* get her *gasp* energy *gasp* from?" Burgh tiredly asked, now drenched in sweat and covered in grime and dirt. Taylor on the other hand was clean, her gi still pristine and - unbelievably - unwrinkled. Suddenly the gong rang once more...

_Kick, punch, block!_

"Oh, come on!" Burgh cried as Taylor performed a three-hit combo move. Burgh slowly followed behind as he kicked, punched, and tripped. Yup, he was too tired to block. Unfortunately for the future gym leader, Taylor was just barely getting started.

_Chop, kick, block!_  
_Block, turn, and kick it!_  
_Block, duck, punch!_  
_Duck, duck, turn!_  
_Jump, kick, chop!_  
_Punch, punch, punch!_

Miraculously...Burgh was able to survive through...

"Hatatatacha!" Taylor posed before bowing to the screen of the reader, "That's it for today." The gong rang for the last time as she turned to her 'protégé' and bowed to him. "Good job, Burgh, you can go on to the next stage of your training-"

"WE'RE NOT DONE?!"

"Nope!" Taylor responded with an innocent smile, "That, Burgh, was the pre-warm up!" His jaw dropped, "The pre-warm up is for you to get you ready for the warm-up! Which will get you ready for the pre-workout! Which is followed by the workout! Which is followed by Shaun T's Insanity workout! After which we get a thirty minute break before we do Tony Horton's P90X! After which we do a two hour MMA training- Burgh, are you ok?"

Burgh was not ok. In fact, he was lying on the ground with foam coming out of his mouth.

"...I think he's dead." Violet diagnosed, Vergil pouting as his new burn-buddy won't feel his "love"

...he wonders if his master's cowardly Dieno will come out and play with him? He's always fun to mess around with...

* * *

**The End...**

WAIT WHAT!? WHAT ABOUT ALL THE OTHER OC'S!? WHAT ABOUT THE PLOT!? WHAT ABOUT THE-

**NEXT TIME ON THIS BULLSHIT EXPRESS!**

I took one wiff at his head and gasped. "No way! Can it be!?"

"Leave him alone!" The strawberry blond warned as she marched up to the boodilicious duo with a glare, "If you don't, I'll pulverize you!"

"I like to see you try..." Burgh looked at Violet with horror. Sure she was scary, like bat-crap crazy, but now? She looked like she was going to kill that other woman.

"A prince?" Simon stared at N with disbelief, "You?"

"Your Highness! We found you!"

"That's no dandruff," I pulled one of the thick nug out of Little Dude's white afro. "This...is...!"


End file.
